Becoming a Stay-At-Home-Mom :: When There Seems Like No Hope

 

Guest Post by Tina of Mamas Like Me

Before kids, I never imagined myself as a stay-at-home-mom (SAHM). I had a plan. I would go into teaching right after graduating with my masters degree. Three years later, I would join an admin program and shortly after become a Principal. Kids were included in that plan, but as more of an accessory to my successful life.

 

Fast-forward to my first year of teaching and I was delivering my first baby. The moment I saw him, I knew that I couldn’t leave him. Unfortunately, I also knew that we had a mortgage, two car payments, and a dual-income lifestyle. So, what do you do when you really want to stay home – but it seems hopeless?

 

Here’s what I did. It wasn’t easy, and it certainly wasn’t an immediate fix:

 

  1. PRAY – For two years, I prayed longer and harder than I ever had before. I prayed for God to open doors and create opportunities. I cried and prayed for patience and for God to change my husband’s heart, which brings me to #2…

 

  1. Make Sure Your Spouse Is On-Board – My husband was not against me staying home, he was terrified of what would happen with only one income. How could we make it financially? Would we lose our house? What sacrifices would we need to make? It took a lot of prayer and a lot of gentle conversations for him to agree to try this new way of life. It also took me doing some research and, most importantly, STOPPING THE NAGGING!!

 

  1. Budget – You have to know exactly how much money you need each month and how much money you can reasonably hope to bring in. If you have no idea where to begin with this, visit Dave Ramsey.

 

  1. Use Your Talents – If you’re lucky, after you make a budget, you’ll find that you have more money than you need. If you’re like me, you may need to find another way to bring in some money. I was very fortunate that I was able to start an in-home daycare and have been successful with it. I get to stay home AND make money! I love my daycare kids and it keeps me accountable to my own children. We have a schedule, planned activities and lessons, and I get to be the one home with them. For me, it’s the best of both worlds.

 

  1. PLAN, PLAN, PLAN – and not just your finances.  Make sure you have a support network of other SAHMs. Join a Moms Club. Have a proposed schedule for your day and weekly goals. It seems like you’ll have all the time in the world when you stay home, but trust me, it’s a full-time job that requires schedules, planning, and organization.

 

I’ve been home now for 3½ years. We’ve paid off several bills and added 2½ kids to the mix. There have definitely been sacrifices, but we wouldn’t trade our life now for anything that an extra income could buy.

 Tina is a former Elementary School teacher turned SAHM to three active boys (with one more on the way)! She blogs at Mamas Like Me where she shares kids activities, recipes, tips on frugal living, and reflections on life as ‘Mommy’.

21 Comments

  1. I was in the same boat but didn’t get to stay home until our third girls was about 9 months. It has been about 8 months. I have an in-home daycare and feel so blessed to be able to stay home with my girls! There were many discussions on finances. We were actually just finishing the Dave Ramsey Financial Peace class when we found out we were losing our daycare. Because of that class, we knew exactly where we were at financially and what we needed to bring in for income. It has been a struggle with the change in the dynamic of how our family schedule goes but it is so worth it!! Thanks for sharing this!!

    1. Thanks Erika! Sadly, we didn’t find Dave Ramsey until much later and it has definitely been a slow process! The tipping point for us was when we found out exactly how much daycare for two kids was going to be! At that point, it definitely became more realistic for me to stay home and try to make up the difference in my salary from home :) There’s definitely nothing like being able to be home with your kids :) And it sounds like you’re the exact opposite of us – 3 girls?? We have 3 boys :)

  2. This could not have came at a better time! My kids are at ages (4 and 2) that seem to be more difficult than rewarding and it had me second guessing if I wanted to stay home. Like you, I always thought that I would be using my Master’s degree to be doing family therapy, but instead I am spending the days dancing, singing, wiping tears, doing crafts, but most importantly, making memories that I will cherish a lifetime!
    Thanks again for you amazing post :)

    1. Michelle – I could not have said it better myself! Being a SAHM is HARD, and it’s the hardest job you’ll ever do for FREE :) I’ve already seen how fast the years go (my oldest just started Kindergarten) and I’m dreading the day that I put my youngest on that school bus!

  3. This mirrors my own becoming-a-SAHM story a bit. I worked 40-50 hours a week with a long commute for 8 years, prior to having my daughters and when they were babies. I really wanted to be a SAHM, but our struggles were similar…we had a dual income lifestyle, bills, etc. And, like Tina’s husband, my husband wasn’t against me staying home, he just didn’t know how we would EVER be able to afford it.
    Enter Dave Ramsey in December 2005. The day I came across his Total Money Makeover site, I knew that our lives were destined for change. 2.5 years later, we’d paid down enough debt that I was able to quit my job.
    I’ve been home now for 3.5 years, had another child, and have adjusted nicely to my SAHM life. I have a very flexible part-time job 10 minutes from our home to add some extra income. I’ve talked to several other moms that say they wish they could stay home, but they can’t afford it. I encourage them to look at the details to see if maybe, somehow, they could. My situation seemed hopeless, like Tina’s, but I am now “living the dream!”

    1. It was amazing to me how much we actually SAVED by my staying home. We ate out less, spent less on clothes and commuting expenses, and just generally budgeted better. We even argued less about money because there wasn’t any :) We’ve been working really hard to pay everything off and it is a SLOW process, but our house has much more peace and my husband LOVES me being home! Your story is truly inspiring! I hope one day we can say that we’ve paid off most (all?) of our debt!!

  4. Your story is so much like mine, it’s scary!! I, too, am a teacher, and am so happy that I made the switch to being a SAHM after teaching for two years. This is my fourth year being home, as well, and LOVE it! I also watch another kiddo in my home and I completely agree that the BEST part about this (aside from my kiddos having playmates) is that it keeps us on a routine and keeps me feeling “responsible” for things like serving veggies at lunch, getting dressed first thing in the morning, and doing a bigger variety of learning activities throughout the day. Thanks for sharing your story! :)

  5. I SO needed this today! I have been a SAHM for the past 5 months. I could not love it anymore than I do and feel so blessed that I am able to stay at home with our little girl. But boy are there days when I wonder how we’re going to pay our bills and meet our needs, yet God constantly provides for everything. I’m looking into keeping kids for some extra income so that it continues to be possible for me to stay at home. Thank you so much for sharing!

  6. Oh my gosh! Am I reading my life story? I have been a SAHM for a year now and love it! But like you and your husband, we thought, can we really do this? I’m babysitting a baby right now, for only another month, and have enjoyed just the little extra cash it brings in. Now I’m thinking, “what else can I do?”. I might try becoming a tutor, since I too was a previous elementary Ed teacher. Thank you for sharing!

  7. Awesome story! I’ve been praying and struggling for almost 4 years now trying to figure out how to become a SAHM to my 2 boys, almost 4 and almost 1. My DH and I did the Financial Peace a couple years ago and are down to our last debt, school loans. We are doing wonderful financially, however the unfortunate thing is that I make almost 75% of our household income. My husband’s job that he loves very much is unfortunately a very low-paying career as an EMT, which is something that I admire him and anyone else who is in his line of work. If we were to move to an area that pays higher for his job, the cost-of-living is extremely high. And to move somewhere with a very low cost-of-living either takes us away from family or takes us to an area where his career is almost non-existent or extremely low pay. In other words, moving or changing careers are not an option. I’ve had in-home child-care suggested to me as a source of income, however our home is very small and there really is no room to adequately watch other children….besides I don’t really have much of a desire to watch someone else’s children. Don’t get me wrong, I love kids, but there is many good reasons I’m not a teacher, and being around other kids all day is one of them. I have been frustrated that it sometimes seems as if God doesn’t answer my prayers of being able to be home full-time, however I do realize he has blessed us in that my DH and I are able to work so that one of us is home with the children and not use childcare. I love the relationship DH and our boys have as a part-time SAHD. On days I can’t stop wishing I was home with my boys, I do my best to remind myself of how we are blessed in many other ways. I am so happy (and jealous) of all SAHMs out there. :o)

    1. I completely understand! And childcare is NOT for everyone! It is by far the hardest job I’ve ever had!! We are blessed that this worked out for us, but I know that it’s not for everyone. Your kids are very lucky to be able to be home with Mom and Dad! It’s very obvious how much you love them :)

  8. Your post was a blessing for today. I’m a new stay at home mommy who has just become a licensed home daycare provider. It’s unbelievably stressful to go from 2 incomes to 1. And with the prices of everything going up I was hard pressed to believe that I would be able to stay at home with my sweet girl once the new school year started. Thank you immensely for sharing your wisdom and hope with me… I needed it the most today!

  9. This is so similar to my story! I left teaching to stay at home with my children too. I love teaching, though, so I blog and teach my children and the ones I watch in my in-home daycare! Life is really good, and I feel very blessed!

  10. Thank you for sharing. I did lots of praying also to decide to stay home. Doors were opened and I am able to teach group fitness classes and do some work from home to add income. Not paying for daycare, gas, lunch, etc made a huge difference and the extra money I bring is definitely helps!

  11. I can really relate to the confusion and hesitation. I am still trying to work out how to get the best of both worlds and have also blogged about it in my post on “When Mothers Dream”… really difficult decision but at the end of the day looking at the children I really know it is well worth it.

  12. This post really hit home for me as I JUST resigned my full-time teaching position and will stay at home with our soon-to-be three year old daughter starting in September! It is scary, but I am praying and praying some more for the strength and wisdom we’ll need to do what we need to do to make the sacrafice one that pays off in the end :) Thank you for sharing!

  13. It’s so nice and so affirming to read other stories like this – it helps to know we’re not the only ones struggling along to make it work and live on a tight budget because we see being home to raise our kids as the #1 priority. I’m lucky that it’s as big a priority for my husband as myself – but we are definitely living on a much tighter budget these last few years. Sharing stories like this helps us all feel better as we muddle through!

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