“Mommy, I love you.”

“Thank you, Buddy.  I love you too!”

“Does that make you smile, Mommy?  When I tell you that I love you?”

“Yes, baby.  It makes me smile REALLY big.”

This was just a small sample of a conversation I had with my 4-year old while I was preparing lunch this past week.  It had been a long week with three straight days that we didn’t leave our house (or our pajamas) due to sickness…first Big Brother, then Little Brother.

Although this exchange seems extremely sweet and somewhat typical for a little boy and his Mama, it made me ask myself a question…

Do I really smile at my children during the day?  

Do I do it enough?

Of course I smile at them when they do something silly or when they tell me they love me.  Is that it, though?  Do I smile throughout the day to display the immense joy I feel inside of me?  Or is a scowl of irritation the more prominent facial expression these days?

Unfortunately, I think the answer is that I don’t smile nearly as much as I should….which is absolutely crazy for me because I am a ‘smiler’ by nature.  I love to smile!

They bring me SO MUCH joy and I need to reflect this joy in my face…even if I am a wee bit irritated at the thought of breaking up yet another fight.

So, I’m challenging myself to something (I know, I know…I am really bad at following through with these “challenges” I place on myself).

I am going to make a conscious effort to smile when I see my child(ren).  Whether that’s turning around and seeing him, seeing him when he wakes up in the morning, or even when he comes out of his room for the umpteenth time that night.  Sure, the smile might eventually be followed up with some discipline…but above all, I want our boys to know that they are loved.  And what better way to express that than to smile?

Obviously, it won’t go perfectly…just like nothing ever does when I am part of the equation.  I won’t remember to smile all the time, but even if I smile one or two more times than I normally do…it will be worth it!

“A happy heart makes the face cheerful…”  -Proverbs 15:13

Lord, help me to choose to have a happy heart and a happy face!

After all…

“Your day will go the way the corners of your mouth turn.”

Do you ever wish you had a road map to life?  I certainly do!

I could also use a guide, an instruction manual, and an endless supply of energy bars to keep me going…thank you very much.

Wouldn’t it be nice to have an automatic arrow in our brains, guiding our steps as well as our thoughts…especially when it comes to parenting?

I was struck by something as I was reading from my Daily Chronological Bible this past week.  After leaving Egypt and crossing the Red Sea on dry land, the Israelites traveled through the wilderness before reaching the edge of the Promised Land.  They had no clue where they were going, so they were completely dependent on God to lead them.

And lead them He did.

A cloud went ahead of them by day and a pillar of fire by night.  Whenever the cloud moved, the people moved.  Whenever the cloud stopped, the people stopped and set up camp. (Number 9:15-23)

As I was reading this section of scripture, I was thinking to myself, “Lord, I really wish I had a cloud to follow…something to show me exactly where to go (both literally and figuratively) and what to do.  How much simpler would it be to live within the purpose you ordained for my life if I had a cloud to be my guide?”

Almost within the same breath, I felt chastisement within my soul…of which I can only claim to be the Spirit.

“Really, Jenae?  You would rather have a cloud to be your guide?

What about my Son? 

You know…The Word made flesh?

Instead of a cloud, I gave you an example.  A perfect example.

What else do you need?

This thought process got me to thinking even more.  If Jesus is my guide, I needed to figure out what was most important to Him and start there.

“One of the teachers of the law came and heard them debating. Noticing that Jesus had given them a good answer, he asked him, “Of all the commandments, which is the most important?”

“The most important one,” answered Jesus, “is this: ‘Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one.  Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength. ’The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.   There is no commandment greater than these.”  -Mark 12:28-31 (emphasis mine)

I know that Jesus never fathered children in an earthly sense, but seeing that God is the ‘father’ of billions and billions of people…I think we can glean some parenting insight from what Jesus says is most important.

1) God MUST be our first love.

How do we learn to love Him?  Well, apart from our children whom we loved the moment we knew of their existence, every other person we love we had to get to know first.  This means we need to spend time with Him. Prayer and Bible study are essential to growing closer to God and demonstrating our love for Him by our willingness to give of our time.  I recently watched a session from one of Kay Arthur’s Bible studies where she said, “Don’t tell me that Bible study is too hard.  Don’t tell me you don’t have time.  I’m here to tell you…you don’t have time not to study your Bible.”  The constant care-taking that characterizes our lives at the present time is sometimes not conducive to lengthy amounts of time spent with God, but if we’re going to love God with all our our heart, soul, mind, and strength…we need to take the time to get to know Him.

Also, we should make a habit of asking Him to help us love Him more.  It seems a little weird and backwards, but the only way that we can love God with the reverence and devotion that He deserves is to ask for His help!  It is important to note that the Greek word used for ‘love’ in the passage above is “agapao” (or what you might have heard as agape love), which is typically associated with God’s eternal love for us.  Just another reason to ask for His help…He is the giver of eternal love and can give us more love to give right back to Him!

2) Love those around us.

God tells us to love our neighbor as ourselves.  Who is our neighbor?  Well, the Greek word used in this verse is “plesion” (play-see-on) and it can be used for “friend, any other person, or any other man irrespective of nation or religion with whom we live or whom we chance to meet.”

So basically, we are to love everyone as we love ourselves.

Including our family members.  And the guy begging on the corner.  And the orphan halfway around the world.

We are to put the needs of others ahead of our own.  We are to be selfless servants to those around us.

And we are to extend this same treatment to those outside of our household…both because we are called to and because we are setting an example for our children.

I can’t get a quote out of my head from the promotional video for the book Kisses from Katie.  Katie Davis (21 years old) is talking about how people tell her how lucky she is that she found what God wants her to do with her life (taking care of orphans in Uganda).  She says in response,

“I kind of look at those people and think, ‘Well, I didn’t find it, it was just in the Bible.  As someone who calls themselves a Christian, it was very apparent that you are to love the Lord with all your heart and then you’re to love your neighbor as yourself.  And myself doesn’t want to be starving.’” (watch the video here)

In addition to loving those actually surrounding us (family, friends, neighbors), we must be an advocate for the less fortunate.  We must love the faces of children halfway around the world whose names we might never know.

Although having Jesus as our unconventional road map might seem a bit complicated at times, it can easily be summarized in these 4 words.

Love God.  Love others.

Happy trails!

A few weeks ago, I had the amazing opportunity to join several other MomLife Today Contributors in Naples, Florida.  Not only did I get to know and learn from some incredible women…I also was able to have time by myself to think, reflect, and pray.  (I know, I know…this has been a fantasy of mine for a long time now too.  I consider myself extremely blessed to have had such an amazing opportunity.)

As I was walking along the beach this past week, I noticed the temporary nature of the footprints I saw in the sand.  Some left deep indentions while others barely showed up on the surface…but no matter what, they were all washed away when a large wave came.

This is like our lives.  We are all so very temporary and we will all eventually ‘disappear’.  At any moment, a ‘wave’ could claim any one of us.  And even though there still may be a hint of that footprint after the first wash out, eventually after a few waves even that will be gone.

While reflecting on this metaphor to life, I noticed that the deeper the impressions, the longer the parts of the indentation lasted with the pummeling of the next few waves…even if the footprint itself wasn’t completely recognizable.

This is how I want my life to be.

I want to leave a deep indention on this earth, not for myself, but in the name of Jesus so that the generations that come after me will recognize Him working through me.  After the first wave, all that will be lasting and recognizable is the work of God in my life. Everything else will be washed away…quite literally.

But my prayer is that the lasting legacy will be the faith that is passed down to our children and our children’s children.  So even when we are dead and gone…our lineage will continue to be one of faith in God.

Screaming, crying, and writhing on the floor for 10 solid minutes.

This is just a typical response to not being able to one’s shirt over one’s head….in my house, anyway.

A certain 4-year old in our house is going through a phase that can only be described as the “I Can’t Do It” phase.  He gets extremely frustrated when anything requires even the tiniest bit more effort than he is willing to give.

On most days, I honestly would just give up and put his shirt on him to simply avoid the the entire dramatic, exhausting scene altogether.  But today, God gave me a bit more patience and perseverance to be an encourager and a cheerleader instead of a doer.

I know this child can put his shirt on himself.  He dressed himself for more than six months straight.  But for some reason, he has recently reverted back to being dependent on me to clothe him.

But today, I let him pick out his shirt and then stood to the side while I watched him struggle.  I didn’t get close to him, even when he pleaded with me to come ‘rescue’ him in his distress.  I just stood there while calmly but enthusiastically saying, “You can do it!  Put your arms in, your head through and pull it down.  I know that it’s hard but keep trying!  Way to go!  You almost have it!  See?  I told you could do it!”

I didn’t just stand there and watch him struggle to be cruel or mean or because I was lazy, I did it because it was better for him in the long run.  I am certain that he does not want to be 17-years old and still relying on his mom to help him get dressed.

Watching your kids struggle is hard, and I can only imagine it gets exponentially worse as they get older.

But it is often necessary to instill character traits (like perseverance) in a child for the long-run.

It is easy for us to see the long-term good that promoting independence does for our kids.  They will be capable adolescents, teenagers, and adults one day because we let them struggle.  We have taught them perseverance, among other things.

But when it is us who are struggling, it is an entirely different story.

I imagine God feels much like I did with my son when he sees us throwing our huge tantrums over a huge-t0-us-at-the-time-but-ultimately-small-in-the-whole-scheme-of-things issue.

Like when the sewing machine breaks in the middle of a project (for someone else) or when a child is being consistently disobedient or when I can’t find my car keys and we are late for school…again.  I just feel like throwing a big fit.

He knows the end goal is to make us better.  Unlike us, however, where we are trying to get our children to be independent, God wants us to learn to be dependent on Him.

Like me in the scenario just described, God is probably aching to help…to swoop in and save the day.  But He often stands to the side, watching us struggle…all the while knowing that it will ultimately draw us closer to Him.

And to me, that’s a struggle that’s worth it…even when it hurts.

Early in our marriage, my husband would frequently say that without children (not including the 20 6-year olds I was currently teaching), I was like an ‘untapped resource’…there was so much within in me that I could offer to our children.  After all, he claims one of the reasons he married me was because he knew I would be a wonderful mother.

Seven years and two amazing and energetic boys later, I joke with him that this resource is now completely tapped out.  And although he is my biggest cheerleader and would never say such I thing, I sometimes wonder if he agrees…especially when he sees me lose my patience with our boys, talk in too harsh a tone, and whine about the constant battles after our little blessings are in bed.

The thing is…I thought I would be better at mothering than I am, or at least feel better at it.  This was supposed to be my time to shine.  From the time that I was a little girl, I have always wanted, more than anything, to be a mother.

Instead, most days I feel completely inadequate and unprepared for the greatest ‘job’ of my life.

Perhaps I had too high of expectations for myself…I was blessed to be raised by an extraordinary mother (of five children, mind you) and I rarely remember her being stressed or exasperated with us.  My mom is an amazing example of selfless love.

I came across a quote recently that completely captivated the inward struggle that has characterized the last four years of my life as a mom:

“‎I thought parenting was going to portray my strengths, never realizing that God had ordained it to reveal my weaknesses.” -Dave Harvey

Becoming a mother has forced me to look into a very clear mirror…and see an honest reflection of the state of my heart.  And what I’ve seen hasn’t been pretty…by any stretch of the imagination.

I see selfishness.

Being responsible for the lives of two precious babies has made me see how selfish I can be…with my time, my energy, and my Dr. Pepper!  In addition to meeting the needs and desires of my husband and children, I also genuinely want to be thoughtful of others.  An entire day might pass before I get over myself and think of what I can do to show love to someone else, including those in my own household!

I see self-centeredness.

Did you notice above how I thought motherhood would be my time to shine?  Yes, God has been teaching me a thing or two about self-centeredness.   As it turns out, the world really doesn’t revolve around me.  Perhaps I should have taken that Astronomy class in college, after all!  Nevertheless, this lesson was learned in the middle of the night with a screaming baby in my arms and every day since.

I see pride. 

I realize now how extremely prideful I have been in the past.  This is probably the single greatest work that God has done on my heart since becoming a mother, although He certainly isn’t finished with me yet.  God has used my feelings of inadequacy to humble me and make me realize how dependent I am on Him to meet my every need.

If motherhood has taught me anything, it has taught me that I can’t do it on my own.   I am too weak.  I am too selfish.  I am too prideful.   But I think God is using those feelings of inadequacy to draw me back to Him.  I love this quote from the book Give Them Grace:

“It is a kindness when (God) strips us of self-reliance, because it is there, in our emptiness and brokenness, that we experience the privilege of his sustaining grace.  It is only when we arrive at the dreaded place of weakness that we discover the surpassing power of Christ.” (p. 152)

Yes, I might feel “tapped out” in this season of life.  But my feelings of exhaustion and inadequacy serve as a constant reminder of the well that never runs dry, the One that I will cling to until my last breath:

 “Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks the water I give them will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give them will become in them a spring of water welling up to eternal life.”  -John 4:13-14

Drink up, fellow mothers.  We are assured this resource will never be ‘tapped out’.

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*The picture at the top of the post was taken by my amazing dad at Victoria Falls in Zimbabwe.