A few weeks ago, I had the amazing opportunity to join several other MomLife Today Contributors in Naples, Florida.  Not only did I get to know and learn from some incredible women…I also was able to have time by myself to think, reflect, and pray.  (I know, I know…this has been a fantasy of mine for a long time now too.  I consider myself extremely blessed to have had such an amazing opportunity.)

As I was walking along the beach this past week, I noticed the temporary nature of the footprints I saw in the sand.  Some left deep indentions while others barely showed up on the surface…but no matter what, they were all washed away when a large wave came.

This is like our lives.  We are all so very temporary and we will all eventually ‘disappear’.  At any moment, a ‘wave’ could claim any one of us.  And even though there still may be a hint of that footprint after the first wash out, eventually after a few waves even that will be gone.

While reflecting on this metaphor to life, I noticed that the deeper the impressions, the longer the parts of the indentation lasted with the pummeling of the next few waves…even if the footprint itself wasn’t completely recognizable.

This is how I want my life to be.

I want to leave a deep indention on this earth, not for myself, but in the name of Jesus so that the generations that come after me will recognize Him working through me.  After the first wave, all that will be lasting and recognizable is the work of God in my life. Everything else will be washed away…quite literally.

But my prayer is that the lasting legacy will be the faith that is passed down to our children and our children’s children.  So even when we are dead and gone…our lineage will continue to be one of faith in God.

Screaming, crying, and writhing on the floor for 10 solid minutes.

This is just a typical response to not being able to one’s shirt over one’s head….in my house, anyway.

A certain 4-year old in our house is going through a phase that can only be described as the “I Can’t Do It” phase.  He gets extremely frustrated when anything requires even the tiniest bit more effort than he is willing to give.

On most days, I honestly would just give up and put his shirt on him to simply avoid the the entire dramatic, exhausting scene altogether.  But today, God gave me a bit more patience and perseverance to be an encourager and a cheerleader instead of a doer.

I know this child can put his shirt on himself.  He dressed himself for more than six months straight.  But for some reason, he has recently reverted back to being dependent on me to clothe him.

But today, I let him pick out his shirt and then stood to the side while I watched him struggle.  I didn’t get close to him, even when he pleaded with me to come ‘rescue’ him in his distress.  I just stood there while calmly but enthusiastically saying, “You can do it!  Put your arms in, your head through and pull it down.  I know that it’s hard but keep trying!  Way to go!  You almost have it!  See?  I told you could do it!”

I didn’t just stand there and watch him struggle to be cruel or mean or because I was lazy, I did it because it was better for him in the long run.  I am certain that he does not want to be 17-years old and still relying on his mom to help him get dressed.

Watching your kids struggle is hard, and I can only imagine it gets exponentially worse as they get older.

But it is often necessary to instill character traits (like perseverance) in a child for the long-run.

It is easy for us to see the long-term good that promoting independence does for our kids.  They will be capable adolescents, teenagers, and adults one day because we let them struggle.  We have taught them perseverance, among other things.

But when it is us who are struggling, it is an entirely different story.

I imagine God feels much like I did with my son when he sees us throwing our huge tantrums over a huge-t0-us-at-the-time-but-ultimately-small-in-the-whole-scheme-of-things issue.

Like when the sewing machine breaks in the middle of a project (for someone else) or when a child is being consistently disobedient or when I can’t find my car keys and we are late for school…again.  I just feel like throwing a big fit.

He knows the end goal is to make us better.  Unlike us, however, where we are trying to get our children to be independent, God wants us to learn to be dependent on Him.

Like me in the scenario just described, God is probably aching to help…to swoop in and save the day.  But He often stands to the side, watching us struggle…all the while knowing that it will ultimately draw us closer to Him.

And to me, that’s a struggle that’s worth it…even when it hurts.

Early in our marriage, my husband would frequently say that without children (not including the 20 6-year olds I was currently teaching), I was like an ‘untapped resource’…there was so much within in me that I could offer to our children.  After all, he claims one of the reasons he married me was because he knew I would be a wonderful mother.

Seven years and two amazing and energetic boys later, I joke with him that this resource is now completely tapped out.  And although he is my biggest cheerleader and would never say such I thing, I sometimes wonder if he agrees…especially when he sees me lose my patience with our boys, talk in too harsh a tone, and whine about the constant battles after our little blessings are in bed.

The thing is…I thought I would be better at mothering than I am, or at least feel better at it.  This was supposed to be my time to shine.  From the time that I was a little girl, I have always wanted, more than anything, to be a mother.

Instead, most days I feel completely inadequate and unprepared for the greatest ‘job’ of my life.

Perhaps I had too high of expectations for myself…I was blessed to be raised by an extraordinary mother (of five children, mind you) and I rarely remember her being stressed or exasperated with us.  My mom is an amazing example of selfless love.

I came across a quote recently that completely captivated the inward struggle that has characterized the last four years of my life as a mom:

“‎I thought parenting was going to portray my strengths, never realizing that God had ordained it to reveal my weaknesses.” -Dave Harvey

Becoming a mother has forced me to look into a very clear mirror…and see an honest reflection of the state of my heart.  And what I’ve seen hasn’t been pretty…by any stretch of the imagination.

I see selfishness.

Being responsible for the lives of two precious babies has made me see how selfish I can be…with my time, my energy, and my Dr. Pepper!  In addition to meeting the needs and desires of my husband and children, I also genuinely want to be thoughtful of others.  An entire day might pass before I get over myself and think of what I can do to show love to someone else, including those in my own household!

I see self-centeredness.

Did you notice above how I thought motherhood would be my time to shine?  Yes, God has been teaching me a thing or two about self-centeredness.   As it turns out, the world really doesn’t revolve around me.  Perhaps I should have taken that Astronomy class in college, after all!  Nevertheless, this lesson was learned in the middle of the night with a screaming baby in my arms and every day since.

I see pride. 

I realize now how extremely prideful I have been in the past.  This is probably the single greatest work that God has done on my heart since becoming a mother, although He certainly isn’t finished with me yet.  God has used my feelings of inadequacy to humble me and make me realize how dependent I am on Him to meet my every need.

If motherhood has taught me anything, it has taught me that I can’t do it on my own.   I am too weak.  I am too selfish.  I am too prideful.   But I think God is using those feelings of inadequacy to draw me back to Him.  I love this quote from the book Give Them Grace:

“It is a kindness when (God) strips us of self-reliance, because it is there, in our emptiness and brokenness, that we experience the privilege of his sustaining grace.  It is only when we arrive at the dreaded place of weakness that we discover the surpassing power of Christ.” (p. 152)

Yes, I might feel “tapped out” in this season of life.  But my feelings of exhaustion and inadequacy serve as a constant reminder of the well that never runs dry, the One that I will cling to until my last breath:

 “Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks the water I give them will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give them will become in them a spring of water welling up to eternal life.”  -John 4:13-14

Drink up, fellow mothers.  We are assured this resource will never be ‘tapped out’.

Like this post?  Read others like it.  

*The picture at the top of the post was taken by my amazing dad at Victoria Falls in Zimbabwe.

This is the time of year that you’ll find all sorts of advice on various blogs on goal-setting and sticking to your New Year’s resolutions. After all, it’s a new year!  Time to start fresh, right?

You won’t find any of that here.

The fact of the matter is…I stink at New Year’s Resolutions.

I stink at them as bad as your feet do when you don’t wear socks while wearing your fake-Ugg boots.

My main problem is that I have a serious lack of self-discipline.  Just call it one of my many character flaws.  And the things that I really want (or rather think I want) to do, I can never stick with.  Pair that with the fact that when I do set a goal/resolution, I set way too high expectations of myself and you’ve got a disaster waiting to happen.

But nevertheless, here are a few things I would like to do better in the coming year.  None of which have to do with losing weight or exercising.  I’m hoping that I’ll have the reverse effect of previous years…since I’ve made New Year’s Resolutions to lose weight and exercise that I haven’t stuck with in years past, maybe this year it will magically happen if I don’t resolve to do it.  A girl can hope, right?  ;)

Be a better friend.  In the process of mothering and running this blog, I have neglected quite a few friendships with people I dearly love in the last year.  I need to do a better job of calling, getting together with, and being thoughtful of my real-life friends.  I am so very thankful for each of them and need to do a better job of showing it!

Pray for more patience with the boys.  I simply cannot do this in my own strength…I HAVE to ask for help!  Whether it’s a “breath prayer” every few minutes or the drawn-ought plea of a guilt-ridden mother, I MUST pray for more patience…especially in the bleak days of winter ahead!

Show my husband daily that I love and cherish him.  I tell him dozens of times a day…but I want to show him with my actions each and every day!  I am so thankful for him and want him to know just how wonderful he is!

Be a better example of a servant of Jesus Christ to those around me.  I’ve really dropped the ball on this.  I can get so caught in myself (or our little family) that I fail to think of others and be the hands and feet of Jesus.  I haven’t decided exactly how I’m going to make a habit of doing this, but trying to be mindful and prayerful about it is a start!

There are a million other things I need to work on as well (it honestly overwhelms me to think about all the ways I need to improve as a person), but these are my main objectives in the coming year!

However much I stink with the whole self-discipline thing, all has not been lost in the last year.  Besides a period of “drought” in the summer, I have been in the Word regularly this last year.  I’ve actually found I can barely get through a day without needing to be in the Word.  I have so much to learn and I am so thankful that God has opened my eyes to this very necessary part of my walk with Him!

It’s easy as a mother this time of year to start having a bit of a pity party about the holidays.

“I’ve got so much to do.”

“You mean, I’m supposed to bake something else?”

“I buy for everyone in both of our families…you only have to buy for me” (something I’m embarrassed to admit I recently said to my husband in such a pity party).

“I stayed up until two in the morning wrapping presents, thank you very much.”

“You mean, we’re spending 20 hours in the car over a 3-day period to see extended family???”

After all, it feels like the weight of the world (or at least the Christmas To-Do List) is on our shoulders.

These are memories we’re making and traditions we’re upholding, people.  We don’t take this stuff lightly.

Perhaps I’m the only one who feels this way, but I would venture to guess I’m not alone…

But during this time of busyness, let us not lose sight of the fact that our children, our families, and most definitely our God are worth the work.  We go to great lengths to see family, to bake, to make memories, to tell (and retell) the birth of Christ…and sometimes we get so caught up in the materialism or busyness of Christmas that we forget that this is good work, not something to be dreaded.

After all, God himself is the one who instituted festivals, feasts, and celebrations!  Just read the book of Leviticus!  These “celebrations” are to be tangible representations of our God.

It’s okay to have a to-do list a mile long…it’s okay to stay up until one in the morning.

This work is worth it.  

We are celebrating the birth of our Savior, after all!  What could call for more of a celebration than that???  And somebody’s gotta get this party ready!