Guest Post by Jenny of JustJenny

Paperwork, paperwork, paperwork and more paperwork. That is what is it feels like when just starting the adoption process. Applications, home studies, criminal clearances, reference letters, profiles and more oh my! When my husband and I started the adoption process we were a little overwhelmed! The agency sent us a HUGE packet of forms that needed to be filled out, some before we started and others before we were shown to birth moms. It seemed as soon as we finished one packet and sent it off…another was on its way and needed to be completed before we could move ahead. This is a short and sweet rundown of what paperwork is needed to adopt privately in the United States and how my family made it thru and I will discuss some of the financial side of it.

So it all started with us in June of 2004. After a missed period and being scared to death of pregnancy with my health history we decided to adopt. We quickly picked an agency nearby that I could volunteer at and check out. As we started the process and decided to tell our family we soon learned that this was the same agency that my brother had used for his second adoption! This just confirmed our choice of agency was just right!

The average paperwork process can take from 2 to 6 months. We decided to take it a little slower and took a little over a year to finish the paperwork. My husband figured most (pregnant) couples get at least 9 months to prepare for a baby so he wanted at least that long! I just love his thinking ♥

Every agency is different with the exact paperwork that is needed, but most have the same general idea. There is no particular order that the paperwork needs to be completed in, but there are some that should or need to be completed before moving on to the next one. The first step after deciding what agency is right, you will need to fill out an application to join or be accepted. Usually this is a one page document with basic information on it although some agencies have longer forms detailing budget and what child/ren you are looking to adopt. Some agencies even have an application or pre-app fee. Yes the finances start already. This is a way to weed out the thousands of calls from families who are “thinking” about adopting but never really follow thru. Also this helps agencies with the expense of producing the paperwork and information that they send out.

This is where the fun begins! The bulk of the paperwork consists of the home study and the profile. The home study is THE MOST IMPORTANT thing you will complete for the legal side of the adoption. The home study is what approves you or denies you to adopt a child. It includes a written report and supporting documents I will discuss below. Home study fees range from $850 up to $5000. Some include the price of running clearances, fees of travel to your home and also include post placement visits. Most are just the actual home study report and you will pay the other expenses. Don’t decide on a home study agency just because of price alone; remember you will be dealing with this agency for a while. Not just before the adoption, but also after the adoption for them to complete your post placement visits before you go to court. Make sure they return your calls and you get along with them!

One thing that most agencies forget to tell you is that home studies expire. So most families jump into this process to hurry and complete it before they have even decided what placing agency they are working with and before they know it it’s expired and they have to do it all over again! Sad, but true. Most states have a policy that a completed home study with a licensed agency or licensed social worker will expire in 12 months. A few states have 18 months but there are only 3 states that I know of and depending on what agency you work with they will still only accept the 12 month rule. This may sound like a long time and it is if you are ready with the rest of your paperwork. But in reality it flies by. If you have not completed your adoption in court by the 12 month expiration date you will more than likely need to have it updated/redone, which will incur more fees. And don’t forget the paperwork included in your home study expires in 12 months too and will need to be updated even if your home study is not expired yet. For example if you run out and get your physician reports in September and your home study is not completed until December – come next September you will need to go back to the doctor and get new forms signed. Your placing agency should remind you of these items.

The most important advice I can give you on your home study is to work with an agency that is licensed in your state and has more than 2 employees. I have worked with families who went with a social worker who was licensed to do home studies when they started the process and state laws changed before they completed the process and lost money and time and had to start all over again. Also I have worked with a family that their social worker got ill and was in the hospital for over 30 days and was unable to complete their home study and they had to start over. This is unfortunate when you are on a tight budget and when you are in a hurry to get thru the process.

Some of the items included in your home study are criminal background checks in all the states you have lived in going back 5 to 10 years from today (this can be a daunting task if you are military and move a lot), FBI background checks, copies of birth certificates, drivers licenses and marriage licenses, physician reports, reference letters from family/friends, copies of latest tax returns, insurance verification, employment verification, financial forms, etc. I have seen some agencies even require copies of your pet’s vaccination record, floor plans of your home and if you already have children in the home copies of their school records/grades. These are the items that will expire 12 months from the date completed/signed. Jot these on the calendar to update before they expire.

The clearances you will be required to get take some time, keep this in mind. FBI clearances are taking between 6 to 12 weeks to complete. This will add some time to your paperwork stack! And your fingerprints could be rejected if they can’t read them! This can be frustrating when you just want to get them done and you have to go back to the police station to get fingerprinted and wait another 6 weeks for the results. Quick tip – Rubbing cayenne pepper on your fingertips and rub off with a tissue before the officer prints you will help your ridges protrude out and print better! Weird but it works!

Finally the HOME VISIT. The home visit is what scares a lot of people. There is nothing to be worried about. Social workers come to your home to interview you and check out the surroundings. They are not there to go thru the house with white gloves on checking for dust and marking down every little thing. They want to make sure that the home is clean and in working order. No safety issues like attack dogs or pools properly contained/locked as required by each state. Private adoption home studies are different from state or public adoptions. The main difference is the home visit. With the state adoptions you have to have a room ready, bed and all, certain restrictions on size of room, windows, etc. With a private adoption you don’t have to have the nursery or baby room ready yet. This should ease your stress level a little! I enjoyed the home visit and loved showing our home to our social worker and telling her our plans for the nursery even if I was a little nervous!

Phew, now that the home study is done, and the rest of the paperwork as required by your agency, the last most important thing for your adoption is the PROFILE, the photos and information about you. This is important as it is the only thing the birth mother will see about you and your family. Some agencies require you make the profile on your own. This is OK if you are computer savvy or a scrapbook guru but if you are neither than you are in trouble. Other agencies do the profile for you; all you do is provide the photos and text and they will put it together. This makes all the families on the same playing field and not one stand out more than another based on their profile skills. I like the latter better. I am in no way proficient on the computer and my scraping skills barely get me by! There are even some agencies that have started doing Video profiles! How fun to show the potential birth mother video of your home and what you as a family do and are excited to share with her!

The profile was the hardest for my husband and I. We had a lot of photos of our travels, but they were of my husband or myself solo. This isn’t good for the profile. You need photos of the whole family/couple, not just parts. So we had to get busy getting photos. We did schedule one professional photo session, but that wasn’t enough. We spent one whole day with our aunt driving around town getting photos near local attractions and hang outs. We even had wardrobe changes! Needless to say the day was exhausting and my husband refused to get a photo for almost 6 months after this! So get good photos of you and your family now ♥

Another hard part about the profile is writing the text. Mainly the “Dear Birth mom” letter. What do you write? What do you say or don’t say? Nobody helps you with this part. Sure they give you ideas but it still has to come from you and you don’t want to feel like you’re bragging about yourselves but how do you do that? The best advice I can give you is to write the letter as if you know her. HOW? Think of a friend you used to know, maybe from college or high school that you have lost contact with. Someone you cared about at one time but it has been 5+ years since you have spoken to her. Now write your profile as if you were telling her all about you and your family and why you want to adopt. For some reason when you have someone in mind it is much easier to write this all down!

This is what I did and the advice I give to others. It seems a little easier to open your heart and spill your soul when you can think of who might read this♥ My husband was all about me writing and taking care of this and he loved the end result. If your husband helps you with all of these details enjoy it, cuz it is hard work!

Well you are almost done with the paperwork; hopefully I haven’t scared you off yet! Even though you feel like there is no way to complete it all and you feel “why is it even fair for us to do so much?” It will all be worth it in the end when you hold your little one and know that he or she is yours forever!

Like I mentioned before we took a little over a year to finish the paperwork. We were officially “ACTIVE” on August 5, 2005. On September 23, 2005 we got the call that we were chosen by a wonderful birth mom. Our son was born on December 17, 2005 and we were there to see his birth. It was soooo worth it!

Our son is now 5½ and getting ready to start kindergarten next month! Oh, how time has flown! When he was 1½, I quit my job in the medical field and started working for the adoption agency that we placed with and worked full time for almost 2 years. I stayed at home with him for another 1+ years and loved every minute!! Now I work 2 days a week with the agency to help out where I am needed. Loving the part time job/money and staying home with my son when I want! You can find out what’s happening in my life at my blog JustJenny. If you have any questions feel free to email me at [email protected]

As for the financial aspect; I have mentioned a few of the expenses that might arise, but didn’t mention how to take action on those expenses. We adopted before we did Dave Ramsey and looking back we did it all wrong. Of course we were in debt already and we got a home equity loan to finance our adoption. We did this for the tax right off and because it was easiest at the time. For the almost two years leading up to the birth of our son I worked a second job saving money at a local craft store. This helped some but it wasn’t enough. We did end up selling my husband’s new truck and this paid off most of the loan, but the biggest chunk came from the federal tax credit.

If you are not aware the federal tax credit for 2010 is now $13,170 and is current until December 31, 2011. This helps with current adoptions and disrupted adoptions too! Also find out if your state has qualifying adoption credits. The state of Kansas has a %5,000 tax credit and this can be used in conjunction with the federal tax credit. Each state and families modified gross income will affect if you can use this credit or not. Please check with your accountant to verify.

Another option is to check your employer benefits to see if they reimburse adoption expenses. Many employers assist from $50 up to $24,000! Check this list to see if you employer is included.

Other options are adoption grants.  There are many out there and I tried to get one, but never did and I don’t know anyone who has. Good luck and congrats if you were able to go this way! Also if you are not adopting but want to help out many of these sites have items to purchase and the funds go to help those that want to adopt. Some of the items could be used for gifts for those you know that are adopting or for items for yourself like jewelry. I saw a great ad for one of these companies in Good Housekeeping last month.

Finally good old fashioned fundraising. There are many ideas out there. Here are some of the great ideas I have heard about –

• Garage/Yard sales – friends and family donate items to you and all funds you make from the sale goes to your adoption.
• Baby bottles – Purchase new or used baby bottles (at garage sales!) and pass out or mail to friends and family as an announcement you are adopting and would they please collect spare change to fill up bottle and send back to you when full? If you buy new bottles you can sterilize them when you get them back and use when baby comes! I love this idea and wish I had heard of it before we adopted. What a cute idea to spread the news and collect funds!
• Direct sales/marketing – maybe you know someone who sells make-up or candles and would be willing to have 20% of the party’s profit go towards your adoption. Many of your friends are going to buy the products anyway, why not include an incentive for them?
• Get rid of your stuff like Dave Ramsey says – If you haven’t already taken his course – please take it! And start selling everything you don’t really need! EBay, amazon, and garage sales. Sell your more expensive items and get cheaper ones if you really need it. Do you really need all those books? J
• Sell crafts or handy work – if you’re crafty set up an account on the web and sell items where the proceeds will go towards your adoption.
• Host a Raffle or auction – get a local store or friend to donate something like a T.V., Ipad or even services and host a raffle with each ticket $20 – $25. Funds will add up fast for this one!
• Blog for your cause – Set up a blog, website, or Facebook Group to journal about your adoption journey and include a DONATE link through PayPal or CHipIn for people wanting to give to your adoption fund.
• Read all you can about adopting without debt – there are books and websites with many ideas about adopting without going into debt. It just takes time!

I know it can seem like a hard battle to conquer, but we are more than conquerors in His eyes! Steady and slow usually wins the race. Be patient and know that the situation will happen when it is supposed to happen.

Good luck on your adoption journey! Please let me know if you have any questions or other ideas about financing your adoption. I love to hear your adoption stories.

Jenny is a  child of God, wife to a motorcycle freak, a part time stay at home mommy to one beautiful adopted son AJ (5 1/2), She works part time at American Adoptions.  You can read her family’s adoption story here.  She loves to meet new people so please reach out to her if you have any questions.

Guest Post by Angela

What is the need?

There are over 500,000 children in the U.S. foster care system today, and over 120,000 of those children are ready and waiting to be adopted into permanent homes (as opposed to a temporary separation from family or placement for some other reason).  Statistics for these children are nearly identical to those worldwide with regards to the fact that without stable, permanent, loving homes, the vast majority will be affected by theft, prostitution, homelessness, substance abuse, incarceration, and/or suicide.  As a former specialist for the Foster Care Review Board, I have seen firsthand the devastating impact that a life of inconsistent or even nonexistent love can have on the life of a child.  To feel hopeless from an early age does not leave very far to travel.

Questions to ask…

While the need is pressing, adoption is a major decision with life-changing implications…is it right for everyone to consider it an option?  In my opinion as a social worker, no.  There are ways of reaching out and supporting adoption and adoptive families without necessarily taking the journey on a personal level.  Here are some questions and considerations to think through:

• Why do you, or would you, want to adopt?
• Is adoption right for your family?  Does your family (as it is now) have the time, commitment, lifestyle and support that would be demanded of it?
• Would an “open” or “closed” adoption be more appropriate for your family?  {An open adoption is one in which the lines of communication between biological parent and child are open, and a closed adoption does not allow for such communication; there are varying degrees of open and closed adoptions depending upon the circumstances}.
• What about private adoption vs. fostering a child to adopt? {Licensing for foster care and adoption are two completely separate legal processes and have different needs and requirements altogether}.
• What age(s) are you considering for adoption?
• Are you open to adopting a child with special needs?
• How do you feel about transracial adoption?
• How should you go about choosing an adoption agency?

Resources for Those Adopting or Considering Adoption

I am currently serving as a community liaison for the church that I attend, and have recently discovered that several churches offer adoption/orphan care ministries that serve as great resources for parents in any stage of adoption, from consideration to post-adoption transition and more.  Also, some great information and publications for download or purchase from the Center for Adoption Support and Education, Inc. can be found at www.adoptionsupport.org

Is Adoption Normal?

The average American family may never consider the possibility of adoption because from a cultural standpoint, it may not be deemed “normal.”  We as a culture are so proficient when it comes to fulfilling the status quo, at least in the United States, that the simple thought of going outside the bounds of “normalcy” may be difficult to conceive (excuse the pun)…statistics regarding adoption show that the primary reason a couple chooses to adopt is because they have difficulty conceiving biological children and choose the journey of adoption without necessarily having considered it before crossing that barrier.   I have wrestled with the idea of adoption as a mom of two biological children, as a former social worker and as one involved in ministry.  Should it be a last resort?  I would venture to say that any parent who has been through the adoption process would testify to the sheer grace and joy that overflows from parenting a child who was so longed for and sought after… I don’t believe that adoption is right for every child and every family.  But wouldn’t the world look so differently if it weren’t merely an exception to the rule?  I have to answer that question with my life—not in whether or not I choose to adopt a child, but in my attitude and awareness by not turning a blind eye.   Moms don’t need any more guilt hovering on our shoulders—my hope for myself and those reading would be to simply open our eyes a little wider to the needs around us and do what we can to reach out, whether directly or indirectly.

Angela is a stay-at-home mom of two boys, Greyson (4) and Gavin (almost 2), whom she adores, and wife to husband, Matt, a local student pastor.  She worked for the Foster Care Review Board prior to employment in student ministry and becoming a mom.  She is openly considering adoption and whether it is where God is leading her family.

Guest Post by Tiffany

Hi! I’m Tiffany, and I’ve known the lovely author of I Can Teach My Child since she was a little girl! Watching her grow, get married and be a wonderful Mom is such a joy (plus, I learn a lot from her blog). Jenae offered the opportunity to add the topic of Adoption to her blog and I am thrilled to share our story.

My husband and I always considered adoption because I was diagnosed with endometriosis at the age of 21. My second surgery was a few years later and while we tried getting pregnant “on our own” and with fertility treatments, it just didn’t work. We took a year off, saved money and re-grouped.

Unfortunately, the journey to parenthood isn’t easy for everyone so please, don’t ever utter the words, “Oh, you can just adopt,” because there’s no “just” in adopting. A homestudy and creation of a portfolio are the first steps. I recommend selecting a social worker familiar with adoption that you like and trust for guidance. The application for the homestudy includes a lot of personal questions about who you are, why you want to adopt and what kind of child you’re looking for (ethnicity, open/semi-open/closed adoption, abilities and disabilities). FBI fingerprints and background checks are also required and take the most time. Finally, reference letters from family and friends are added to the packet and stamped with a notary’s seal. Then, a family is considered Paperwork Pregnant!

According to Adoptive Families Magazine, the average waiting time for a US (domestic) adoption is 18 months. Families can choose to adopt through foster care, private adoption with a birth family and an attorney only or an agency adoption.

We tried private adoption and had two matches fall through. We tried agency adoption and had two more matches fall through. Finally, we renewed our homestudy as required by our current state and found a new agency.  They were phenomenal and treated us very well. They matched us with a potential birth mother and long story short, we were given the biggest gift in the world, our little girl! We had one more social work homestudy post-placement visit, attended a brief court meeting and her adoption was finalized September 24, 2009!

On a very personal note, we were incredibly discouraged after our four matches fell through, (the national fall through rate is much less). We cried, we prayed, we struggled through five years of trying to be parents and waited and waited for the perfect child for our family. Our daughter coincidentally, looks like my husband, she talks as much as I do, and she has an entertaining personality. Smart and funny, now two years later, we can’t imagine our lives without her. On our darkest days, I prayed, “Dear God, please! Find us our child, the one only you can hand pick for our family, please bless the possible birth mother out there struggling with her decision and please make us patient enough to wait as long as it takes!” I prayed that countless times a day, believe me!

Our family and friends were encouraging too, the best present we got was a book called We Belong Together:  A Book About Adoption and Families by Todd Parr.  Some dear friends gave it to us for Easter 2008 before we were even matched.  I love reading it to our daughter and she always reads the note my friend Crystal wrote.

To anyone wanting to be a parent, I encourage you to consider adoption. There are amazing children in the US and around the world waiting for a family. There’s a well known quote in the adoption world, “However motherhood comes to you, it’s a miracle,” and that’s the truth! Best wishes to all!

Please see the following references for more information:

• Successful Adoption: A Guide for Christian Families by Natalie Nichols Gillespie

• Adoptive Families (a website)
• You Can Adopt: An Adoptive Families Guide by Susan Caughman and Isolde Motley

Tiffany is a Mom to a sweet 2-year old girl and has been married for 7 years to her very funny husband.   She works as a physician educator and has a passion for adoption.  Tiffany and her family are looking forward to celebrating their 2nd Famiversary (the anniversary of our daughter’s adoption finalization) in September.

Guest Post by Angie

Hi!  My name is Angie and I blog at www.abailey423.blogspot.com about my life and my loves.  I am thrilled to be guest blogging today about adoption, something very close to my heart.

My husband and I have always wanted to adopt.  We discussed it in detail before we were ever married.  I wanted to make sure we were on the same page.  We both dreamed of having biological children and then adding to our family through international adoption, preferably a little girl from an Asian country, where by default we

would have no contact with the biological parents.  That was always our plan.  We are a family who relies heavily on our faith in God.  I had no idea what a role that would play in “our” plans to adopt.  Our plans couldn’t have been farther from our reality.  We adopted through the Illinois foster care system, a little boy who physically looks so much like me I’ve had strangers say, “you could never claim he isn’t yours, he’s the spitting image of you!”

Our story is simple, but complicated, as are all adoptions.  After a year of trying to conceive we were told we could never have children without fertility treatments.  We were both in graduate school at the time and could not afford the treatments, so we prayed and took a break instead.  The weekend my husband graduated with his Masters degree God blessed us with our first child.  It was a very uneventful pregnancy, everything went very smoothly and Aiden John was born without any pain medication in January of 2005.    In December of 2005 we lost a baby through miscarriage.  Fast forward to 2006.  Aiden was 15 months old and we were expecting another little boy in October.  We had always wanted our children to be close in age and we were suddenly finding ourselves in a position to conceive easily.  However, the pregnancy itself was extremely difficult.

Around that time God moved us from my homestate of Texas to a small town in Illinois.  I was seven months pregnant when I saw him for the first time.  My husband was interviewing to be a college minister in a church.  There was an older couple in the church fostering a four month old baby boy. They had him since birth. He was absolutely gorgeous and so tiny. He was born with intrauterine growth restriction and weighed 4 pounds 2 ounces at birth.   He had the cutest, roundest, baldest head I’ve ever seen in my life. I held him in my arms and immediately knew he was meant to be my son.  It scared me!  I was seven months pregnant!  I’ve never had that happen before, it was the strangest feeling. I pushed the thought to the back of my head and quickly handed him back to his foster grandma. His name was Anthony and I couldn’t get him out of my mind.

A month later we made the move to Illinois.  The day we moved our son, Colin Michael, was stillborn at 32 weeks.  The hardest thing I’ve ever done is watch my first born grieve his baby brother while trying to navigate through my own devastation.  He cried for him, calling him by name at night, even though he was only a baby himself.  He understood pain even though everyone around us kept telling me he was took young to grasp what was going on.  It was a long hard road.

Four months later. I told my husband I thought God wanted us to adopt Anthony and what had happened the first time I held him.  My husband told me he was just waiting on me, God had been telling him the same thing!  We began the process of adopting the little boy I had held.  Many implied we were trying to “replace” Colin, as if that were possible!  My biggest fear as we began the process was seeing our oldest hurt again. It was a foster care situation and parental rights had not been severed. The baby was still having visitation with his biological parents three times a week.  Over and over we heard, “you may not get him.”  However, God gave us clear direction to move forward.

We began taking classes to become certified foster parents.  We told Aiden we were attending “Anthony classes” and we had him stay with the foster parents during that time so he could spend time with the baby. We gave as many opportunities as possible for the boys to play together. With each step we were as honest as we could be about the process with our oldest.  We told him Anthony would be moving in with us.  We allowed him to be a part of biological visits.  We took each step one day at a time and were extremely conscious about explaining everything in an honest and age appropriate manner.

One day we had to go out of state to pick up a family member from the airport.  Anthony lived with us at the time, but was still a foster child.  We could not take him across the state line without special permission, and it was a long drive for a little one, so we left him with his former foster grandmother.  I will never forget, as we were leaving, Aiden began to cry for his “bwother.”  We had never given Anthony that name in front of Aiden.  We had actually been extremely careful not to call him that.  Yet, in Aiden’s heart it was already true.  I panicked! The fear of losing Anthony and Aiden being crushed with grief overwhelmed me.  My sweet husband reminded me of our motto from the beginning of this journey, “it is impossible to give away too much love.”  Aiden, in his little two year old world, knew this better than I did.  He embraced his brother with open arms, even before I could drop the guards around my own heart. My first son taught me how to love my second little boy without fear.

A year after we began the adoption process we finalized in a historic open adoption agreement.  When I took the stand that day the judge asked me why I wanted the adoption finalized and I replied, “I want to make legal what my heart already knows to be true, this is my son.”

Since then we have lost two more children, given birth to a miracle girl born at 3 pounds and five ounces and we are currently expecting another surprise little boy in October of this year.  Many have asked us if four children will be where we stop.  Honestly, we don’t know.  We do know we are finished with adding to our family through pregnancy.  However, God may still want us to find that little Asian girl.  If that dream is to be a reality, we will once again approach as we did in the past, “you can never give away too much love” and complete honesty with our current children as we deeply involve them in the process every step of the way

Be sure to check out the other stories on adoption from previous weeks:

International Adoption

Adoption after Infant Loss

Adopting Special Needs Children

In the beginning things were smooth, just the normal colds, ear infections, spit up. Until we realized how often these things were happening. And then we began to wonder, what about this behavior or that missed milestone. It’s then that we started looking at the things that just didn’t add up and wondering, is this normal or is something actually wrong? Do we have new parent doubt?  Are they really different from other kids or late bloomers because of all that they have been through? Is it genetics that makes his ears lower, head smaller, toes and fingers bend so, speech delay, sensory issues, low body tone, the list continues. Those are just a few of the things that have become part of our daily vocabulary.  Along with diagnosis like Fetal Alcohol Effect, Asthma, Autism, ADHD, OCD, Speech Delay, Low Tone, Hyper Tone, Sensory Integration issues and Developmental Delay.

Over the years we have learned a lot, but at times it has been a head-banging, hair-pulling adventure and at times isolating. One of the most important things we have learned is that we are not alone. And if you adopt, or have a child with special needs, you are not alone either. There are your fellow adoptive friends that you will make during this process. You will have other friends that you meet through all the therapies and special ed classes. Both groups will feel like family. You may be asking yourself do all foster/ adopted kids have special needs and the answer is “NO”  but all are “SPECIAL”.  For us it was luck of the draw and we know in our hearts that each all of our children are right where they are supposed to be and came when they needed to.

Be sure to read Stephanie’s first post as well as Colleen’s post on International Adoption.