It’s the last week of reading Be the Mom!  I hope you have enjoyed it as much as I have!  A few people have asked which book we’ll be doing next and I think I am going to hold off for at least a month.  After reading two books back-to-back, I think everyone might need a little breather!  Plus, we haven’t had nearly as much discussion with this book club…so I’m not even sure if this is something that we should continue or not.  Thoughts???

While you’re thinking on that, let’s jump right into this week’s reading!

Chapter 8:  They Say Mom Trap

I read this chapter on Thursday.  Thursday was a VERY challenging day for me and I was left feeling like I “blew it” once again.  I yelled at my kids and treated them like they were major inconveniences in my life (not the blessings and joys that they are).  Nevermind the fact that they were defiant, disobedient, dishonest, and flushed the rubber splash guard from the little potty chair down the toilet…I was out of line.  After all, I am the adult!   When I read the words of Tracey’s on pages 130-132 and I was immediately burdened with a Godly-guilt.  God knew my heart wasn’t right on this particular day and he used Tracey’s words as a very clear mirror.  The following quote was also a great reminder, since I had just finished sharing my frustrations of the day (and motherhood in general) with a dear (and patient) friend of mine:

“The next time you find yourself surrounded by voices complaining about motherhood, be intentional about not joining in.  Be the one who looks for the positive.”  -p. 132

Oops…Tracey should have added not to instigate such conversations!!!

The remainder of the chapter was spent stressing the importance of choosing to listen’s to God’s way of living…not others self-proclaimed ways.  The world will always promote selfishness, self-centeredness, busyness, and more “stuff” while God commands us to be selfLESS, content, and spend our time loving others and growing closer to Him.  Deep down inside each of us, we KNOW what is best for our children and families.  It’s just a matter of putting blinders on to the rest of the world (or even our friends who are making different decisions) and choosing our own path for our families that is in line with God’s teachings!

Chapter 9:  Be the Mom!

Every mom has those moments when we think about what could have happened in a certain scary situation.  Tracey shares her story in this chapter.  To my great despair, I know that many of you probably know how it feels to have the unthinkable actually happen.  When we were in a car accident a year and a half ago, the top of our Toyota Camry was severed right up until about 4-5 inches of where Little Brother’s head was after our car slid under a semi.  There have been so many times when I think about how we could have lost both of our children that icy night.  It is not something I like to dwell on because it literally makes me sick to my stomach.  But Tracey shares that she thinks these moments of reflection are a gift from God.  They allow us to put things in perspective.  When it comes to life or death, healthy or sick, disabled or whole…all the other “stresses” pale in comparison.

Throughout the remainder of the chapter, Tracey shares some suggestions for things we can do daily to be the moms that God has called us to be as well as encouragement for being the mom!

And that’s it!  We finished it…together!  I hope this book has been as much of a blessing to you as it has to me!!!

If you missed our last book club sessions, go here:

Week 1

Week 2

Week 3

Do you have any questions for the author?  Leave a question in the comments and we’ll choose a few to have Tracey respond to in next week’s post!

What did you think about this week’s reading?  Leave a comment or link up below!

This week we explored two more traps that we can easily fall into as moms if we’re not careful:  The Mirror Mom Trap and the Tomorrow Mom Trap.  Like the traps that have already been mentioned, I find myself falling into these as well!

Chapter 6:  The Mirror Mom Trap

What is it about women that think we constantly need to compare ourselves?  Have you ever looked around a room as an attractive woman walks in?  More often than not, it isn’t the men who are “sizing her up”:  It’s the happily-married women!  We immediately compare her looks to our own, even if we do it subconsciously.

I loved how Tracey challenges us in the book to STOP COMPARING OURSELVES to the women around us.  We are each uniquely gifted and we are each called to serving in different ways.  Comparison truly is the thief of joy…and if we allow comparison to be a daily practice in our lives (even on the internet), it can be fuel for a very dangerous fire.

I also really loved the section of the book that talked about giving each other grace.  Tracey points out that when our feelings have been hurt by someone, we can almost always assume that we have unknowingly done the same thing to someone else.

I am a super-sensitive person (and that’s not a good thing).  When Prince Charming asked my dad for permission to marry me, my dad felt like he needed to warn him about my sensitivity (now anytime he claims that I was too sensitive about something, I tell him–”You were warned!).   :)   I wear my heart on my sleeve and you can usually tell what’s going on inside my heart with one quick glance at my face.  I don’t hide my feelings well, unfortunately.  Case in point:  An incident occurred just this week where I got my feelings majorly hurt by a few women–I tried to do something nice and was basically chastised for it.  I shed some tears and it ruined my whole day (which also meant I was super grouchy with the kids)!   Rather than giving these women grace and recognizing that they didn’t intentionally hurt my feelings (and I know they didn’t, now that I can see the situation a bit clearer), I chose to retreat, lick my wounds, and feel sorry for myself!

These words from Tracey really convicted me:

“The next time you feel offended by someone, first ask yourself if you may be at fault because you’re too easily offended (guilty).  At least consider the possibility.  Remember, just as you need grace from others, you need to extend grace to the women in your life.  Simply said, don’t dwell on it.  Skip over it and give that person grace.  I’ve learned that once this becomes a habit, life is sweeter.”  -p. 90

I know that I have unintentionally offended or hurt other women in my life (and if you are reading this and I have done this to you–I AM SO SORRY).  Just like I would hope that others would give me grace to know that I wouldn’t purposely hurt their feelings, I too need to give that same measure of grace to those around me.

All-in-all, we need to encourage each other as women.  We need to go the extra mile in our friendships, even when we feel thwarted by someone else.  God has given us each other to encourage and edify along the way.

Chapter 7:  The Tomorrow Mom Trap

I don’t know how many times I have uttered the words, “I can’t wait until my child can do _____ by himself.”  Whether it is wiping his own bottom, feeding himself, or just being able to sit still…the thought of independence is a beautiful thing in the mind of a mother with babies and toddlers.

Independence comes…and it typically comes far before we’re ready for it.  One day it seems like we are spending every minute of the day tending to the needs and demands of young children while the next day they are telling us they don’t want our help.  Tracey reminds us in this chapter that when it comes to kids, putting off tomorrow what could get done today can often be a huge mistake.  This chapter reminded me of the country song “My List” by Toby Keith.  As the video illustrates, sometimes it takes a tragedy to realize what is really important–let’s not let that be the case for us.

I also appreciated Tracey’s “math” about the percentage of our lives that we will be actively parenting:  It definitely put things in perspective for me.  She says 20%…I’m going to say 25%.  I don’t wish to live to be a hundred…unless the love of my life happens to live that long too.  I’m sure I’ll be more than ready to meet my Maker well before I am a century old!  :)  But still TWENTY-FIVE PERCENT of my life will be spent actively parenting…and less than half of THAT will be spent in the Baby/Toddler/Preschool Years that can be so demanding.  I’m looking at less than a decade of my life spent meeting the daily demands of my young kids.  That is not much time!

So this week, I’m going to make a conscious effort to keep that in the back of my mind:  To take those opportunities to build my relationship with my kids…even if it means putting off a blog post, letting the dishes get crusty in the sink, or the freshly-dried laundry wrinkle just a little bit .  Although the days drag on, the years really do fly by (as I’ve seen with Big Brother).

Tracey sums it up well:

“Always putting off doing the right thing until tomorrow, or trying to coast through parenthood, robs us of the joy of building relationships with our children.”  -p. 106

If you missed our last two book club sessions, go here:

Week 1

Week 2

Next week’s Assignment:  Finish the book!  Read Chapters 8 and 9 (and leave your comments, please!)

Do you have any questions for the author?  Leave a question in the comments and we’ll choose a few to have Tracey respond to in next week’s post!

What did you think about this week’s reading?  Leave a comment or link up below!

This week we started a brand new book:  Be the Mom by Tracey Eyster.  Within pages, I already identified with Tracey’s described role as a mother–the highs, the lows, and everything in between!

Chapter 1:

My entry into motherhood was quite different than Tracey’s–Rather than waiting and wishing for a child as Tracey and her husband did, our first child was a major surprise!  My husband and I had just started talking about when we might want to start a family…which we planned on not being for another year or two.  I was in the middle of finishing my Master’s degree and thoroughly enjoying my position as a first grade teacher.  When I found out I was pregnant, it took a while for the shock to wear off and to start to enjoy the thought of a little one growing inside of me!  Within a few days, though, I was already head-over-heels for that sweet baby!

The following chapters of the book share the different “traps” that moms can easily fall prey to if we aren’t careful.  Needless to say, I think I have identified with most of these traps at one time or another in my momlife, but the trap described in Chapter 2 is often the most debilitating for me.

Chapter 2:

In this chapter, Tracey describes what she calls the “Just a Mom” trap.  The tell-tale sign that this trap has taken us victim is when we start to believe that our role as a mom is somehow inferior to any other endeavor we pursue.

Feelings of insecurity have frequently been a struggle for me in my life.  After I began teaching, I finally felt confident in myself and my ‘purpose’.  Perhaps it was the awards, accolades, and affirmation I received from others–but I rarely questioned myself as a teacher.  Once I decided to stay home with Big Brother full-time, those feelings of insecurity and self-doubt slowly began creeping back into my life.  After Little Brother was born, I felt like I was being full-on assaulted by them.  I constantly doubted myself, feeling inadequate in my ability to be the kind of mother my children deserved.  I still feel this way frequently, though not nearly as strongly as I did back then.

I loved the following quotes from this chapter:

“However humble many mom tasks might be, we are molding the future, and there is nothing “just” about our role as moms.”  -p. 7

“Your value as a mother is unsurpassed.  You haven’t lost yourself; you’ve found who you were destined to become.  You’ve been given lives to mold and an opportunity to prepare your children for the future.  There is nothing “just a mom” about you.”  -p. 18

 

Chapter 3:

I’ve found myself identifying with yet another trap I can easily fall prey to in my life:  The “Me Mom” Trap.  I continually struggle with selfishness and self-centeredness in my life…and sometimes my wants and needs can even be put ahead of those of my family (as embarrassing as it is to admit).  I love the thought of trying to keep tabs on the number of times I say “I” throughout the day.  I think that will really help keep myself in check!

This chapter also reminded me a lot of our last book club book selection:  Cleaning House.  I have gotten much better at allowing and encouraging my children to help with household tasks without expecting “perfection”, but there are some things that I am still holding on to that I want done “my way”.  When I let go of my control and enabling tendencies, I am also teaching my child that THEY are capable and responsible enough to handle the task I have asked them to do.

Next Week’s Assignment:  Read Chapters 4 and 5.  

Do you have any questions for the author?  Leave a question in the comments and we’ll choose a few to have Tracey respond to in next week’s post!

What did you think about this week’s reading?  Leave a comment or link up your post below!