Today I’m over at MomLife Today sharing about an opportunity to serve alongside our children. Next week is Nursing Home Week and I’ve shared a few ideas for how we can honor our elderly by taking some time to visit them.
Head on over to MomLife Today to read this post and share any additional ideas you have!
Do you ever feel like no one is listening to a word you say?
You suddenly feel as if you’ve become Charlie Brown’s teacher:
“Clean up your toys”…whah, whah, whah.
“Eat your food”…whah, whah, whah.
“Don’t forget to wash your hands”…whah, whah, whah, whah, whah, whah.
“Be nice to your brother”…whah, whah, whah, whah, whah.
We’ve had a few of those episodes in recent months where I seriously think I need to get my children’s hearing checked! They can just go about their business without even really listening to a word I’m saying!
And as much as I would love to claim that I have absolutely no part in creating this poor habit, I’ve found that I can do exactly the same thing: to my husband, to my children, and to my friends.
I can hear that something audible is coming out of their mouths and I can even follow along somewhat, but I’m not truly hearing them. I’m too busy folding laundry, replying to e-mails, or doing the dishes.
Sometimes we foolishly think that listening is something passive…because something is said, we automatically absorb it through osmosis or something. Listening is both an active verb and it is a skill that must be practiced frequently.
This is just another way that parenthood is like a mirror…it reveals all of the areas in our lives that need our attention. I’m thinking perhaps I need to get some ears like Little Brother to help me be a better listener!
*For your information, this entire post was composed out of my great desire to use this picture of Little Brother with his “listening ears” in Bible class. :)
After we found our 5 smooth rocks we came back inside to paint them. While Lauren painted I read the story from our Jesus Storybook Bible,
NIrV Read with Me Bible,
Jen is a former fourth grader teacher turned stay at home mama to two of the cutest kids she has ever met. She blogs with her dear friend, Desiré, at When You Rise, a site dedicated to providing fun and meaningful ways to teach kids the Bible and encouraging others on this journey of parenting. When she’s not changing diapers, playing with baby dolls, or building block towers she loves to read, craft, and decorate.
A couple of months ago, the boys and I made the one-mile trip to our local Walgreens. I picked up the few necessities I needed, all the while my children were standing at the check-out counter lamenting about how they wanted this and that. Ignoring their requests, I loaded them back into the car and we made our way home.
As I was getting the boys out of their carseats, I noticed that Big Brother was clutching something tightly in his fist. After he refused to show me what was in his hand, I pried it open to find the small caterpillar keychain that he was just asking for at Walgreens.
The only problem was, we had not paid for that item. My son had stolen the keychain.
After a quick scolding from me, I put the boys right back in their carseats and we headed back to Walgreens. I instructed Big Brother to take the keychain to the cashier and tell her that he had stolen it and that he was very sorry. I’m sure there were a thousand better ways that I could have handled the situation. But my point was made…what he did was wrong and he needed to make it right.
As we approached the cashier, it took a little prodding for him to tell her what he had done. With his head bowed and refusing to make eye contact, he finally did what he was asked. The cashier smiled kindly and said, “Oh it’s okay, honey! Thank you for returning it.” (Side note: She was a little too kind in my opinion, I’m trying to teach a lesson here!)
As I was sharing this with my mom, she said something that truly surprised me.
“You know, Jenae…I think it’s a good thing this happened. I always prayed that when my children made mistakes, that they would get caught. It’s important that he learned this lesson now that he is young and the consequences are small.”
I’ve thought many times about this wisdom that my mom imparted to me that day. She is exactly right.
We want our children to fail and to make mistakes now while they are young and under our loving direction.
We want our children to suffer the consequences of stealing at age 4 instead of age 24. Stealing at age 4 comes with some heavy-duty preaching and teaching and the short-term embarasssment of having to return the stolen item. The consequences of stealing at age 24 are at best, a misdemeanor, and at worst, jail time.
We want our children to lie now and suffer the consequences of a harsher punishment (than if they would have just told the truth in the first place). This helps our children realize the importance of honesty now, not when they are adults and choose to lie to save themselves from embarrassment or life-altering consequences.
It is so hard to even type these things, let alone pray them…I want my children to be good, moral, and honest. I want my little boys to grow into men of integrity. But I also know none of us are capable of perfection, nor will we ever be in this life. We live in a fallen world and we all make mistakes. However, as humans we all seem to learn best through experience (Adam and Eve, anyone?). The fact is: As parents, we have a unique opportunity to allow our children to make these mistakes and learn from their consequences while the stakes are small.
Dear Lord, please allow our children to get in trouble now while they are young, teachable, and moldable. Help them to get caught when they make mistakes. And give us the grace to lovingly handle these situations in a way that honors you.
1. How to wrestle and roughhouse. There are a lot of things us moms do well, but wrestling and roughhousing are not normally on the top of the list. Boys need to learn how to roughhouse for a variety of reasons. First of all, it burns off energy! We all know that most little boys have a plentiful supply of energy (that sometimes feels like it is being siphoned from his parents), so this is a great way to expel some of it. Second of all, it is great for their development. Don’t believe me? Read this article from ABC News titled “Roughhousing with Dad Crucial for Development, Says Researchers“. Here is a short quote:
Rough and tumble play between fathers and their young children is part of their development, shaping their children’s brain so that their children develop the ability to manage emotions and thinking and physical action altogether,” said Fletcher. “This is a key developmental stage for children in that preschool area between the ages of about two and a half and five. That’s when children learn to put all those things together.”
The article goes on to say that even though boys were more interested in initiating the roughhousing, it was also beneficial for girls. Also, it’s important to note that the roughhousing needs to be appropriate to the age of a child. It’s probably best that a 4-month old baby NOT be thrown high into their air, even in the name of roughhousing and spending quality time.
2. How to potty standing up (and occasionally outside). I know, I know. This one is so hard for me, especially letting them go to the bathroom outside. I just about pitched a fit when my husband let our oldest do it! We don’t let our boys do this very often, but when it is private and semi-appropriate (camping, at the lake, etc) we let our boys go ‘potty’ outside. In my opinion, this is one great advantage of being part of the male species (especially on trips when there is no gas station in sight).
3. How to be a lifelong learner. Boys are not often known to be avid readers, especially in the late elementary years all through high school when reading is often labeled as ‘uncool’. However, this can put them at a distinct disadvantage when it comes to academics in the later years. Little boys need to see their dad reading. Little boys need to be read to by their Dad. And finally, little boys need to see their dad attempting to learn something new…even if that involves watching a YouTube video on fixing a leaky faucet. ;)
Instilling a love for learning is a key component to ensuring your child’s success. Boys need to see their dad as a role model for someone who enjoys learning something new!
4. How to be a servant leader, both inside and outside the home. In the book Wild Things: The Art of Nurturing Boys, the author points out that around the age of four, little boys typically start pulling away from their moms and are drawn more to their dads. As a mother of two little boys, this information saddens me somewhat (especially since I have noticed this trend in my own 4-year old boy), but I know it is natural and right. Little boys watch their daddies and do what they do.
John Wooden once said,
“The best thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother.”
A little boy will learn how to treat a woman by watching how his father treats his mother. Men need to be servants in their homes and treat their wives with respect and honor.
Likewise, little boys need to see their fathers serving outside of the home as well. Are you helping an elderly relative install some grab bars or helping a friend paint a house? Take your little boy along! Although he might not be able to help much, it will be extremely beneficial for that little boy to see his dad serving someone else.
5. How to be a man of God. As little boys grow into young men, their desire to have a relationship with God will be extremely dependent on what they have seen modeled by the men in their lives. Boys need to see their Dads submitting to our Heavenly Father. Boys need to see their fathers involved in the spiritual health of their family…saying prayers, reading the Bible, and talking about God. Most of all, boys need to see that the faith of their Father permeates every area of his life. They need to see him walk the walk and not just talk the talk.
“Love God, your God, with your whole heart: love him with all that’s in you, love him with all you’ve got! Write these commandments that I’ve given you today on your hearts. Get them inside of you and then get them inside your children. Talk about them wherever you are, sitting at home or walking in the street; talk about them from the time you get up in the morning to when you fall into bed at night. ” -Deuteronomy 6: 5-9 (MSG)
Fathers, if you glean nothing else from this list, make your relationship with God a priority above all else. After all, your son is watching.
If you are a single mother, please do not be disheartened by this list. You are the most important person in your little boy’s life and you are making a profound impact on him! I would encourage you, however, to find a healthy male role-model for your son. Schedule frequent visits so that your son can have a positive male mentor.
