Help! My kid can’t share!
It’s been a frustrating week around here. I’ve been embarassed on more than one occasion by Big Brother CONSTANTLY taking toys away from other children.
Would you please share some strategies that you use to help your child learn to NOT TAKE AWAY TOYS FROM OTHER CHIDLREN? I feel like I am at a loss!
One of the best advice on sharing, I actually got from a stranger. Toddlers and preschoolers rarely grasp the concept of "share". Instead, I encourage my little ones to "take turns".
When they steal a toy from another child, I tell them, "don't take" and remind them of Ephesians 4:28 says,"He who has been stealing must steal no longer" (I use the rest of the verse when correcting my older children). I then encourage the child to ask politely for a turn with the toy.
Often my kids will surrender the toy. If not, I set an egg timer for 3 minutes, when it goes off, the toy gets passed on the child who wants it next.
Typically, one of three things happens:
1. I get another chance to train both children on taking turns/generosity/selfishness
2. The first child gladly gives the toy to the other child and moves on to another toy.
3. I continue to set the timer for each child, so they take turns back and forth until one or the other tires of the toy.
If there continues to be a battle of the toy, it goes to "toy jail" for 24 hours.
This process takes a LONG time at first, but now that my children are accustomed to it, it goes much faster. The process can be modified to work when my children who fight over a toy with another child, say, at the library or waiting room at the doctors.
Sometimes parents unintentionally make it worse (I did it myself doing it until I realized I was doing it) by doing this: When someone is at your house you say "share…they're your guest." Basically, that means give up whatever it is to be a good host. And when you're at someone's house you say "share" because it doesn't belong to them and you don't want your child to hog someone else's toy. Well, my son said one day (just when he turned 3) "but I'll never get something if he's at my house or if I go to his house." You could have seen the light bulb pop up over my head. Since then, I have explained to my children that there are two kinds of sharing: Giving something to another person because there is enough of it to actually share or taking turns if there is only one thing. And we practiced asking nicely, "Can I have it when you're finished?" This was super hard because one child might not want to wait, but once they realized they really were going to get it eventually, it started getting better. We don't have it down pat by any means, but there are a lot less tears than there used to be. And I have noticed that sometimes, the child with the prized object will actually hand it over once the other has asked nicely. Hope this helps.
I worked in child care with toddlers for several years. I'd just echo what the previous two posters have already said. I always used the concept of taking turns, rather than sharing (in fact one center I worked in forbid toddler teachers from saying "share"). Timers and giving warnings when it's about time to pass on a toy is a big help.
Also, if I don't know who had it first and the children are a bit older (closer to 3), I'll get down between the two children, holding the toy, and say, "How can we take turns with this toy?" This gives the children a chance to work it out themselves. Often one child will give it up (I promise she'll get it next) or sometimes I just made the decision myself saying "5 minutes for you, then you get 5." Hope this helps!
My kids have a horrible time sharing too. They are only 14 months apart and sometimes I don't want to take them anywhere just because I know they struggle with this very thing. I feel as though sometimes I am too hard on them and expect so much of them that they tire and just give up on trying to be good and do as I ask. I know this is all a learnign thing. I like the above suggestions and I also think the that verse use is really good. We can never incorporate too much of God's word. :)