In our county the term “special needs” refers to anything that changes a child’s health or care from “normal” to not. Even something as common as asthma can label a child as special needs. At the other end of the spectrum are children needing almost nurse type care. Be sure to ask your agency what is deemed special needs and if they require any special certificate.
When our four children came to us we did not know that they were special needs. But we did know that they had prenatal exposure to drugs and/or alcohol. Two were preemies and had complications at birth but were released from the hospital healthy. The other two were deemed healthy at birth.
In the beginning things were smooth, just the normal colds, ear infections, spit up. Until we realized how often these things were happening. And then we began to wonder, what about this behavior or that missed milestone. It’s then that we started looking at the things that just didn’t add up and wondering, is this normal or is something actually wrong? Do we have new parent doubt? Are they really different from other kids or late bloomers because of all that they have been through? Is it genetics that makes his ears lower, head smaller, toes and fingers bend so, speech delay, sensory issues, low body tone, the list continues. Those are just a few of the things that have become part of our daily vocabulary. Along with diagnosis like Fetal Alcohol Effect, Asthma, Autism, ADHD, OCD, Speech Delay, Low Tone, Hyper Tone, Sensory Integration issues and Developmental Delay.
Over the years we have learned a lot, but at times it has been a head-banging, hair-pulling adventure and at times isolating. One of the most important things we have learned is that we are not alone. And if you adopt, or have a child with special needs, you are not alone either. There are your fellow adoptive friends that you will make during this process. You will have other friends that you meet through all the therapies and special ed classes. Both groups will feel like family. You may be asking yourself do all foster/ adopted kids have special needs and the answer is “NO” but all are “SPECIAL”. For us it was luck of the draw and we know in our hearts that each all of our children are right where they are supposed to be and came when they needed to.
As you embark on this journey called parenthood, whether your child is biological or adopted, you will know in your gut if everything is normal or not. I always say go with your gut. But also educate yourself. Know at what age milestones should be met. It will give you a goal to work on with your kids. If you see a huge delay talk to your pediatrician. Know where your child is on the weight and height charts Don’t be worried by a child on the high or low end of the chart. Look and see if their height and weight are proportionate to one another. If they are not, that is when you should be concerned. Yes, these charts are averages and some children will be bigger or smaller or do things earlier and sometimes later, but they are a starting place. If you feel your doctor is not listening, keep going until you feel comfortable with your child’s care.
If you have school age children, know the grade milestones and what to expect in each grade. You should be able to get this from the teacher or resource person. If you see significant delays, ask for an Individualized Education Program (IEP) and ask the school to do a complete assessment.
Family is always full of ups and downs, whether you have your children biologically or through adoption. But in the end it is a road worth traveling and a road that we are currently just cruising along. Only time will tell if we will stop again along the way to pick up a new rider on this journey called life.
Thanks for such a beautiful, touching post. Adopting a child is always an example of generosity. I do believe that things happen in our lives for a given reason, because there is a further purpose (though we may not see it at first sight). As I read on a comment to a previous post you wrote, you have 8 children and 3 precious angels waiting to hug you somewhere, sometime.
I send you my best regards from Spain.
Cristina – Thank you for your kind words. Life is amazing how small the world can be. One of my children has a connection to Spain so I think its fitting that our story made it all the way to you. I wish you the best. Stpehanie
Hi Stephanie-
Thank you for sharing your story. It was beautifully written and heartwarming. Your children are very lucky to have you as their mother, and you are very lucky to have them. We miss you all!