I’ve never really considered myself a prideful person. But as I was listening to the sermon at our church two Sundays ago, I was suddenly convicted that for most of my life…I have really struggled with pride. I grew up in a Christian home, was obedient to my parents and made relatively good decisions in high school and college (didn’t drink, do drugs, etc). When Prince Charming and I started dating, we were both committed to purity. Then we got married. I finished college, got my “dream job” as a first grade teacher, won a couple of awards for teaching, and then got my Master’s degree. All of these decisions have been grounded in my faith in God, but if I am absolutely honest with myself, I’m not sure I can say that I sought the help of God.
And then I became a mother.
After leaving my job teaching 25 six-year olds, I figured taking care of my own kid(s) would be a piece of cake. Apparently, I was in for a rude awakening.
This is by far, the hardest job I’ve ever had (and I’m not just saying that as some cliche). By the end of each day, I am physically and emotionally exhausted (but it is still the most amazing, wonderful job as well) Besides feeding, diapering, and making my children nap, I also feel this enormous weight of responsibility…knowing that Prince Charming and I are going to be held accountable to God for how we raised these children! And I worry all.the.time…about their safety, nutrition, health, potential spider bites, future career paths, whether they’ll still be throwing these tantrums when they’re 25…!
But you know what? God has called me here for a purpose and I believe that one of those purposes is to show me that I need him. I’ve tried being dependent on myself for energy, patience, and kindness and I can tell you…it’s not working. I no longer have pride or confidence in myself. After all, God says He hates pride (Proverbs 8:13).
So, I’ve had an epiphany. The only thing that I should be confident is God’s ability to work through me. On my own, I’m pretty lousy. I fall short. I get tired and feel low. I scream at my kid. I take things out on my husband. I neglect to serve others. I don’t call a friend who I know could use a call. I have a bad attitude about teaching a class at church. I get angry. I am selfish. I am downright sinful.
But thankfully, this doesn’t have to be who I am. God is waiting for me to cry out to Him. He wants to help me.
So my prayer the minute I wake up every morning is for God to give me HIS patience, HIS compassion, and HIS love.
And guess what? It’s been working! The past two weeks have been AMAZING! I’ve enjoyed the time with my boys. God has blessed us with the sunshine and beautiful temperatures (I’m convinced that we just need to go to the park everyday and all our behavior issues will be solved). We’ve spent hours outside. We’ve laughed and we’ve had fun together. Of course we’ve had small battles and “hiccups”, but God has been faithful in answering my prayer by giving me the patience to handle them with love. God is good! I’m so glad He’s showing me just how much I need him to be in control of my life…every minute of every day!
Lord, I’m boasting in you!!!