A Lesson Learned: Closed Doors

Since reading Crazy Love, Prince Charming and I have been trying to find ways to live intentionally and radically for God. I specifically have been thinking of “big” things I can do…but God seems to keep closing doors on my “big” ideas…

For example, I just finished up my Beth Moore “Esther” study and someone had mentioned that these studies are often done in women’s prisons. So I thought, “I’ll find a women’s prison in the area and THAT’S what I’ll do!” But after some researching, we don’t have a women’s prison within a reasonable distance besides the county jail (which I think is only a temporary holding place). So that door was shut.

I have also been so encouraged reading Shilo’s blog and the amazing step of faith they have taken by opening their home to a foster child. Prince Charming and I have been thinking and praying a lot about this…but only really considered the emergency or respite care, which is usually only for a couple days at a time. We weren’t ready to commit to anything long-term, but thought it would be good for everyone, including our kids, to show love and compassion to a child who desperately needs it for a few days. Again, I researched this idea and the agency who finally contacted me said they were only looking for families who would be willing to take older children. For multiple reasons and because the safety of my children is our utmost priority, this is not something that we felt comfortable with. So another door was shut.

And then it occurred to me while at BSF this week, almost like an epiphany…perhaps God is shutting these doors because He is calling me to work on the state of my own heart and the way that I treat the people that live in my own house FIRST.

Prince Charming is THE MOST amazing man in the whole world. He is loving, kind, compassionate, easy-going, and such a wonderful spiritual leader for our family. He treats me way better than I deserve to be treated!  The only time he ever gets upset or frustrated with me is when I get upset or frustrated with him first for something he doesn’t understand. Not to mention that he is the best Daddy to our boys!

But my stupid self (pardon my language) continues to take my day’s frustrations out on him when he has absolutely nothing to do with them! How ridiculous is that?!?! If the kids take lousy naps or he gets home a few minutes late from work because of something beyond his control, you would think the world was ending by the way I reacted. Seriously…this is not the wife that I want to be!

I know it stems from my selfishness, but I honestly don’t know why I act the way that I do sometimes. It’s seriously almost like an out of body experience sometimes where I see and hear myself talk, but I’m like, “What in the world are you saying? Do you hear yourself? This is ridiculous!” And even though I feel like I’ve come a long way since the dreary winter months with the boys, I still lose my patience much too quickly with them as well.

In addition to lots and lots of prayer, I’m reading For Women Only with a friend, who I hope will keep me accountable!

I feel like right now this is the “big” work God is calling me to do…to work on my heart and learn how to properly show my husband and children the love of Christ. But I know it’s going to take A LOT to change this selfish sinner’s heart. Will you pray for me too???


  1. This really, REALLY speaks to my heart. My husband and I have a huge desire to just serve the Lord. However, we also have a great passion for overseas missions. We have pursued missions work and been met with closed doors. We were upset, but then we wondered…are we doing the best we can to serve right we are? Are we effectively using our home for ministry? How can we ask God to send us to serve somewhere else when there is much to be done HERE?

    Thanks for sharing your heart and what God is revealing to you :)

  2. oh, I do know that the Lord needs to also work on my heart in these areas as well!!! I am SO harsh w/my husband & children at times, and I can SO relate to the 'dreary winter months'. I have come to learn that I think I almost go into a depression of sorts being at home with my two little boys during the winter months. I don't quite know how to deal with that since I don't want to take 'happy pills', but I guess I will deal with it next winter since it is almost summer now. :) I do think possibly going out of town for at least a week or two would help… I usually get the most down in the later months, Feb., March. Thank you for your honestly!

  3. Thank you for your honesty and your encouragement to others (like ME! :) ) in your honesty. God has really been showing me lately how my heart is so hard and selfish and I need to get control of it again and show my husband patience and love instead of harsh words. I really needed this! Thank you!

  4. What a REAL and beautiful post! I'm the same way – I feel so much fire for God and want to use it ways that I consider "bigger" than the small things that I do daily, but then He always reminds me that this position in life – wife, mother, homemaker, teacher of our children – is just where He intended for me to be. He could've made us doctors in third world countries, leaders of states, missionaries, etc., but He chose for us to raise our children and teach them about Him, living lives that may seem quiet compared to some but are no less wonderful and glorifying to Him. Praise God for these reminders, and I'll totally pray for you with the heart transformation that you're taking on! I think that it's awesome – and you are, too. :o)

  5. Yes, this story is all-too familiar. I would argue it is one of the most difficult obstacles for a mom who is with her kids all day to overcome. We know we can't take our frustrations out on our "innocent" children, but when someone who isn't as defenseless comes along (and usually the first person is our man), we lash out at them.

    I really enjoy your blog, and upon your recommendation ordered the Jesus storybook Bible for my girls for Easter. It came in the mail yesterday! :)

  6. Your lessons learned are always something that I could have posted on myself! We are either a lot alike or were normal moms! :) I am going to turn 30 in December and I've thought about how the last year 10 years were about what I wanted. I wanted to get married, have kids and buy a house but what have I done for God? So I am trying to make the next 10 years less about me. I know that raising Godly children will be my main focus but serving others will play a big part! I'll pray for you and can't wait to hear what you come with! Also For Woman Only is an awesome book! :)

  7. You are not alone here. I have been struggling with my own selfishness for a long time now. I am amazed at how short-tempered and unkind I can be. The Lord has been doing a great work in my heart, but I have a long way to go. I will be praying for you. Please keep me in your prayers as well.

    P.s. I HEART this site. The work the Lord is doing here through you is great. Thank you for your hard work!

  8. I love your honesty in this post (I've been lurking for a few weeks, enjoying your teaching ideas very much). I have similar struggles, and have recently been reading The Surrendered Wife, which is a wonderful book about letting go of the need to be in control the title is not my favorite, but the concepts seem sound). The first couple of chapters are available to read on the website http://www.surrenderedwife.com. Increasing my self care and improving my relationship with God have helped a lot in decreasing my anger. Oh, and another book, Change Your Brain, Change Your Life, has helped me with the way I get stuck in anger mode. Best wishes to you in your efforts!

  9. I just finished reading A Woman Aftern God’s Own Heart by Elizabeth George. It was amazing! I will need to re-read it again but it has really changed my perspective on who I am and the kind of wife & mother that I should be.
    After reading this blog I will wait a bit longer before reading Crazy Love since I need to put my family first :)

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