A Lesson Learned: One-on-One Time
Big Brother and Prince Charming went on their first camping adventure last night. A group of fathers and sons from our church all went on an overnight camping trip just outside the city we live in. To say that Big Brother was excited would be an understatement…but it paled in comparison to Prince Charming’s excitement. ;)
Since the two “big boys” were gone for the night, that meant that I had a whole day with Little Brother. We’ve been getting much more one-on-one time every Tuesday and Thursday morning for a few hours while Big Brother is in preschool. It’s been amazing to see his little personality develop this last month. I’ve learned things about him that I would have never known otherwise!
I think it is vital to spend time with each child individually…albeit at times inconvenient. It’s during this one-on-one time that you get to know the desires of your child’s heart. You get to really talk (or simply observe, if you have younger children) their likes and dislikes, their fears and triumphs. It’s during this time that bonds are forged.
In your child’s eyes, it also validates their importance to you. Even as adults, it makes us feel special when our spouse or a friend clears their schedule to spend a few uninterrupted hours with only us. Imagine how this fills a child’s love bank!
Likewise, I think we can also make the comparison to our necessity for one-on-one time with God. Corporate worship (going to church and group bible studies) are wonderful and an important part of our walk in faith. We need the accountability and encouragement from other brothers and sisters in Christ. But unless we spend some individual time with God through personal Bible study, prayer, and admiring His creation, we’ll have difficulty developing an intimate relationship with Him. I love the way the Message version translates Matthew 11:28-30.
“Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.”
Wouldn’t it be amazing to have a weekend away with God and actually get to meet Him (kind of like in the book The Shack)? Even though we might not get to see him face-to-face and a weekend probably isn’t doable for most of us to spend alone in prayer and personal time with God, it is still important that we make time to spend alone with God. Even Jesus, God made flesh, spent time by himself in prayer.
“Yet the news about him spread all the more, so that crowds of people came to hear him and to be healed of their sicknesses. But Jesus often withdrew to lonely places and prayed.” -Luke 5: 14-16 (NIV)
Yes, Jesus needed some one-on-one time with his Daddy too!
Here’s a two-fold question for you: Â What ways have you found to make individual time for each of your children (if you have more than one)? And how do you make one-on-one time with God?
I don’t comment here often, but I really enjoy your blog.
Lately God has been waking me up every morning at 5:30. I don’t set an alarm, but I wake up, without fail. I could lay in bed until 6, when my 1 year old usually wakes up, but I’ve been getting up and going downstairs at that time and having my quiet time with Him. It’s been amazing to just sit in the quiet house before anyone else gets up and just enjoy Him. I don’t do any heavy duty time in the Word at this time–I just sit and soak in His presence, read my devotional (Jesus Calling, which I LOVE), and pray. I usually do my Bible time later, when my 1 year old is having her morning nap (and my kindergartener is at school), but I just love this early morning, peaceful time of connecting with Jesus.
As far as separate time with my girls, it’s easy to get one on one time with my one year old while my kindergartener is at school in the mornings. I try and make some one on one time in the afternoons with my five year old, while her little sister is napping, but my five year old still has a “rest” time during this time, and often still naps, so this doesn’t always happen. But sometimes it does, and it’s nice to have time alone with just her. I hope to make it more of a priority.
Thanks so much for commenting, Wendy! I am so encouraged by your self-discipline to get up when you are being “called.” I’ve always been envious of people who have their morning quiet time because I am naturally NOT a morning person at all. If my body’s clock had it’s way, I wouldn’t wake up until 8:30-9:00 everyday. It’s normally about that time of the day that I even feel “awake”.
Lately, my “alone” time hasn’t technically been “alone”. I normally will turn the boys a Veggie Tales DVD right when they wake up in the morning (while I’m still in bed) and then I do my Bible study and pray silently for the entirety of their video. Rarely do I have any interruptions since they are enamored with their movie…plus I think it is beneficial for them to see me with my Bible open! :)
This is something I’m really struggling with as a parent right now. I have a 22month old and a 4month old. I know that my 22month old gets a LOT more one on one than his little brother. Most days my older son goes down for his afternoon nap just before my infant, so I try to take a few precious minutes to spend one on one with the little guy, reading, playing, talking, or whatever, but I know it’s not enough. My little guy gets lots of attention, but it’s primarily time spent nursing, bathing, or doing the basics with my energy/voice still focused on my older son. My older son gets one on one time while the little guy is napping at other times during the day. I am hopeful this will grow more balanced as my little guy gets older, but it’s a struggle now.
As for one on one time with God, that is much easier. I do that first thing in the morning when the boys are still asleep and it is such a blessing to start my days with Him first!
When I wake up in the middle of the night and again early in the morning and can’t sleep from baby #3 kicking and moving around so much, I talk to my Heavenly Father. When I hang laundry on the line and the little girls are happily playing in my line of sight, I pour my heart out to Him. That’s pretty much the only one on one time we get! With my children (just turned 2 and just turned 4) – they often naturally stagger their naptime so for a while one is awake and one asleep, then both asleep, then the other one wakes up and I really try to use this time to full advantage with individual time. I agree it is VERY important. Your family is so beautiful! May God continue to bless you richly.
I’m not always the best at sticking with this. But I set aside a certain time at night and I call it my appointment with the Lord (a time for my to be alone and pray). Just like we calendar our different appts and we stick with them. I wanted to give my Heavenly Father the same importance. When I do it, it works great!
Thank you for this! I have just begun to feel sort of inauthentic as a Christian lately. When I hear people talk or sing about their deep love for our Savior, I don’t quite get it, like I haven’t quite put it all together (I converted to Christianity in 2005). I love the Lord and am grateful, but there is that personal aspect of it that has been missing in my life and I have been longing for it. It occurred to me that I probably need to spend more time in prayer and Bible study because I have not had a regular practice of study, and I mostly only remember to pray at bedtime. Spending the time in the morning sounds like a much better plan than trying to remember at the end of the day when I’m exhausted.
Part of our family Christmas tradition is that each girl gets to have a one-on-one date night with Daddy. They go to dinner and then to the mall to pick out a Christmas dress together. My four year old daughter has not stopped talking about that date night for the last nine months! It’s amazing what just a little bit of alone time does to deepen their relationship. I like applying the analogy to our relationship with the Lord- neat thought!