Since Christmas I have just felt yucky. Not sick (though I have had the stomach flu twice), just really down, irritable and extremely exhausted. So much so that I just had blood work done to see if I was anemic or something. As my mom predicted, I am just fine…I am just the tired mother of two very.active.boys.
Even deeper than my exhaustion, I have felt like my role as a stay-at-home mother hasn’t made a difference. I don’t feel like I’m really doing anyone any good because I’ve been so cranky. I told Prince Charming last week, I’m just ready to go back to work…the boys would be better off with someone else right now. I have very little confidence in myself in any of my roles (wife, mother, friend, etc).
I felt like we made some major strides with Big Brother’s behavior before Christmas…and now it has all come unraveled again. I fight the same battles day after day after day with what feels like no progress whatsoever.
And the snow hasn’t helped. We’re stuck inside for hours and days on end. The boys can’t go outside and run off their energy. Instead they run their push toys and cars into the walls and furniture over and over again.
I’m sure many of you relate…and some of you may not. The winter is especially hard on mothers with rambunctious children!
I don’t want to sound whiney because things in life are really, really good. We are so blessed. I have absolutely nothing to complain about! And yet I do complain…
But I read something in my Beth Moore Esther study yesterday that has stuck with me. “We are wise to force ourselves to keep differentiating between simple inconveniences and authentic tribulations. The more detached and self-absorbed we become, the more we mistake annoyances for agonies.”
Ouch. Not being able to get out of the house is a minor inconvenience. Getting tired of battling with Big Brother over the same things is annoying. But they are just that…minor! Even though I am feeling down and tired (and shamefully a bit self-absorbed), that doesn’t give me a right to throw a major tantrum/pity party.
I had a really bad day last Friday. I screamed at Big Brother for using the toilet brush and smearing poopy water all over the bathroom. After that, I felt so bad about it, I cried to God as I prayed for both forgiveness and help (and apologized to my son after his nap).
I can’t do it on my own. I’m tired, I’m weak, and I’m human. I need God’s help to (1) help me see how trivial these “trials” are in the grand scheme of things and (2) help to overcome them with a positive, loving attitude.
After all, with God all things are possible!