The iPad is stealing my son’s childhood

Thoughts on the affects of technology on kids

I’ve recently come to a startling realization:  The iPad has been stealing my son’s childhood.


I know what you are thinking…either something truly traumatic happened to this child or this is one of those crazy parents who thinks technology is from the devil. I can assure you that neither of these assumptions are true.


Our three children (6, 4, and 3 months) are happy and well protected from the “evils” of technology such as pornography and cyber-bullying. That has not (yet) been an issue in our household, although I am sure we will confront one or more of these issues at some point in our parenting journey.


And as for me, I love technology. I am a “digital native” who has wholeheartedly embraced every new technological advancement over the last few decades…from the time that I first began using AOL instant messenger in my middle school years to this past Christmas when I received my second iPhone. Back when I was teaching, I was the first to volunteer to implement technology in my classroom. And, although I am careful not to allow our boys too much screen time, I have found technology to be beneficial for them as well (especially the learning apps like thesethese, and these). I am quite certain I would have a difficult time living without all the technology I’ve come to know and love.


But over the last several months, I have become slowly convicted that all this technology isn’t a good thing.


It’s one of those nagging feelings that you just wish would go away…but it doesn’t.
You see, I’ve been observing the behavior of my boys over the last several months. One child is especially drawn to electronics and his behavior began to worry me. Although he was only engaged in technology for 1-2 hours a day (max), he talked about video games all the time to anyone who would listen. He started sneaking around to play his VTech tablet that he got for his birthday and hiding it under his pillow (he would much rather have done this with the family iPad, but it is passcode protected). And after he played with the iPad or Wii for any length of time, he began to be withdrawn when he was back in the “real world’.


My husband and I began to wonder whether our son was addicted to technology. Not the type of nonchalant “I’m addicted to chocolate” kind of addiction… but the type of addiction that was changing his behavior and his personality. The possibility scared the be-jeebers out of me.


This fascination with technology, this draw to be immersed in a digital world rather than the real one, was intense. There for a while, he would rather play on the iPad or wii than do just about anything else. And when he wasn’t playing a video game, he was either talking about it or sulking. Gone were the days when my happy-go-lucky boy got excited to do just about anything.


He was no longer content to go outside and have stick “sword” fights with his brother.


He didn’t want to paint or draw.


He stopped asking for me to read to him (which used to be one of his favorite things).


If given the option to play at a friend’s house or play with the iPad, he would have chosen the iPad.


I am not exaggerating when I saw that the iPad was stealing his childhood. It was robbing him of the quintessential elements that make up a magical childhood:  the wonder and excitement of playing outside, engaging in play with friends, and having time to simply be creative.


My husband and I both agreed that something needed to change. It all came to a head when I listened to a Focus on the Family broadcast from the writers of The Digital Invasion. After listening, I immediately wanted to learn more. So, naturally, I ordered the book! This book was eye-opening and, to be honest, downright scary.


The Digital Invasion (Hart and Frejd, 2013) provided research on how technology is changing our relationships and even how our brains process information. In addition to interfering with real-life relationships and overdosing the pleasure system of our brains, technology (even educational games) can actually reduce both learning and creativity.


“When people (and this includes our children) keep their brains busy with digital input, they forfeit downtime. Downtime is what the brain needs between learning tasks so that it can process and consolidate the information it is learning” (p. 67)…”We are only really thinking when our brains are idle. It can’t do much thinking when other demands take precedence” (p. 72).


Technology has changed life as we knew it in an incredibly short amount of time, yet it has been wholeheartedly embraced by the majority of society (including parents and educators) without fully understanding the long-term effects.


We decided that our family’s time engaged with technology should be monitored on a daily basis to ensure that we are giving our brains and our relationships the rest that they need (and I’m not just talking about the kids). My husband and I have come up with some ways to help keep our lives digitally balanced.


Here are the steps we have taken to create a healthy technology diet in our home:  


1. We are limiting our own usage on mobile devices.  I have realized that I am a pretty bad role model when it comes to technology usage. This is tricky for both my husband and me because both of our jobs rely heavily on the use of technology. Because there are times when we must still use our iPhones or computer, we have cut back on much of the “social” aspects of technology. I recently removed the Facebook app from my phone and only get on once or twice a day now when I have a few spare moments while on the laptop. We changed the settings on our iPhones where we must manually retrieve our e-mails rather than having them pushed to our phones (and dinging every few minutes). We also are doing our best to eliminate all phone usage during meals so that we are giving each other our undivided attention.


2. We no longer allow the boys to play the iPad or the Wii during the week (not even educational games). They can still watch television (one minute for every minute that they read), but they are only allowed to play the iPad or Wii on the weekends. We have been doing this for a couple months now and it has made a HUGE difference, especially for our child who is most influenced by video games. I firmly believe in the old adage “all things in moderation” which is why we decided to allow it on a very limited basis. Now that it isn’t a part of our everyday routine, it has eliminated the majority of the negative behaviors.


3. We try to spend time outside every day.  The fresh air and exercise is good for everyone!



4. We give our kids time to be bored.  This is something that is lacking in our society. With all of the entertainment options available and the temptation to hyper schedule our kids in a variety of different extracurricular activities, there is no time for kids to just be kids. If a child has a structured activity every minute of the day, there is no time to use his/her creativity. I truly believe that children who are occasionally bored end up being better problem-solvers and more creative thinkers.


In conclusion, we all want what is best for our kids. Technology is here to stay and will be a part of our lives, whether we like it or not. We can, however, do our very best to ensure that our children are not negatively impacted by its accessibility and frequent intrusiveness. After all, our kids deserve to have a childhood full of stick sword fights, playdates, and grass-stained feet.




What are your thoughts? Has technology positively or negatively influenced your children?




  1. You took the words right out of my mouth! My girls have to earn their time for computer and electronics. Even their leap pads. I want them to draw and play and not just sit. I want them to run and enjoy their childhood as much as they can.

  2. My girls are the same way! Now they have to earn their time. The biggest help I’ve found is that we, as parents, have to be aware of and limit our own time. We need to set better examples. I had to stop and think what the purpose to all of my own technology time is. I now have to be purposeful in my computer time, not just stroll through things. Technology is stealing FAMILY TIME, not just our kids. I now make more of an effort to play games, puzzles and read with my kids instead of the internet.

    1. Or does anyone bother to think that it is the individual who is abusing the technology and not the technology that is “evil”. Is it not your own fault for buying and allowing your children access to Ipads/laptops/whatever technology at such a young age? As a parent it is your responsibility to block and limit “technology time”. Honestly, these days it seems like parents are becoming lazier because they have technology such as cell phones and Ipads to keep children occupied for the time being. Generations have survived and blossomed without growing up with technology. If parents can learn to use technology as a beneficial and learning experience for their children, in a limited quantity, then maybe our future generations have hope however; given the current trends this is highly doubtful.

  3. Thank you for writing this and being so open about your experience. With a son of my own who gets more excited about Wii and iPad games then just about anything else I can relate to this. We limit his screen time to being a special reward but it still concerns my husband and I with how much he loves staring at a screen and playing games. It’s interesting though because our twin girls aren’t nearly as interested in these things. They get bored with it and run off to pretend they are Anna and Elsa or something else that is imaginative. But that could change and with our son being a concern for us I’ll be checking out your book recommendation – it sounds interesting.

  4. I’ve been troubled with the same thing! I’ve felt like my son is addicted to screens. For the past couple of years he’s gotten screen time tickets, 7 each week that are good for 30 minutes of screen time apiece and he can use them when he wants but when they are gone, they are gone. The problem was that he got up at 5:30 on Saturday morning (when he gets them back for the week) and used all 7 at once. Then it was a rule he could only use 2 and then had to take a break, like after snack or after lunch. Then he stopped eating, saying he wasn’t hungry, taking one bite then asking if he could “use a ticket”. Then I had visions of people so addicted to video games they don’t eat or sleep and die while playing. I’ve been really worried. It changes his behavior a lot when he has been using screen time and our Saturdays are the worst day of the week. The rest of the week he knows he doesn’t get screen time and it’s much nicer. I worry about when he’s 18 and leaves the house, will he be able to control himself? By that time will he realize too much screen time isn’t good? I also feel like I’ve been a bad role model and have been trying to cut back myself. I keep longing for the days when I was a child and it was so much less of an issue. I’ve also been thinking about the whole family going screen free for the summer. Glad to know I’m not the only one going through this.

    1. Why not go “cold turkey” and just not have any screen time. We did this w/ our kids several years ago and have slowly added screen time back in. They may watch a movie on the weekends and are thrilled when they get 10 minutes on the iPad. (That 10 min is it) we have 4 kids so it’s actually40 minutes, but only 10 that they are “playing” honestly at first it was REALLY hard, but we stayed firm. We have since had many family reading nights and I wouldn’t go back at all!!!

      1. I agree! Sometimes it needs to be taken away all together. I have one son who is OBSESSED with anything on a screen, even toys if he’s desperate. He’s always been attracted to technology. It has altered his mood and has had him talking nonstop about games when no one wants to hear it. He liked games that we believe promoted anxiety in him. They were driven by levels or winning points/coins. (Not constructive in any way.) We tried limiting to one hour a day and then only on weekends (1 hour a day) and earning time by reading or playing outside, but in between time he would obsess over wanting to play games on the computer. We had to take it away completely, because it was like an addiction. His mood has changed back to being positive, cooperative and happy. It’s a little hard because his older brother (8) can handle some screen time, but he mostly programs robots or plays some Minecraft! Little brother (6) gets jealous, but we feel we know what’s best for him right now and that means NO video games of ANY kind.

    2. Hello, I’m a producer with ABC News and in hopes of generating awareness of the effects of digital addiction in children, teens, and young adults, we are partnering with treatment professionals willing to work with families who might be battling this addiction. We would love to speak with you about what you are going through with your son please email me at [email protected] I look forward to speaking with you – Best, Denise

  5. I’m so glad I came across this post today! I have a 4 year old, 3 year old, and 3 month old, and a couple days ago I decided that my 4 year old son was totally addicted to the ipad and for now we are taking it away. I love so many of the learning iPad apps and it was never a problem before, but the last few weeks he has become obsessed. He also seemed to have lost interest in coloring, playing with toys and legos, and he didn’t even want to read or watch tv. We’ve always tried to limit screen time, but with school being out and the new baby, we haven’t been as diligent and it seems to show. For now we are taking the iPad away for a couple of weeks, and then eventually we’ll introduce it back in a much more moderated way. Thanks for sharing your experience and tips!

  6. I applaud you in writing this post. I think that this is one of those topics that can have backlash, and I’m glad to see you went for it. Technology is something we all need to work on in my family. I like the idea of earning screen time. I’m going to implement that for my kiddos, and myself. So often I get caught up in time wasters, I neglect to do what’s important, or to be intentional in my daily tasks. Thank you for your insight.

  7. I agree! Thanks for sharing! We actually make our kids earn their screen time now – after our 3 year old was obsessing over when he would get screen time! He thought he had to play for a few minutes every day when he woke up & it was meltdown time if he didn’t get it. Every time they do chores, they have a chance to earn some minutes- if they do their chores in a timely manner, without being asked more than once, and without any complaining, they get time (it goes down for any of the above). They can’t use any until they have at least 10, and we still get to choose when they get it. For example – they might get 3 for unloading the dishwasher (they each have a jar on top of the fridge with a marbles in it to count). We also have said if they want to trade 30 minutes for $1, they can do that instead to save up for things… like a new Lego set, etc. It’s been great because they don’t ask for screen time anymore! If they don’t have any marbles, they don’t get any!

    1. Wow..thats brilliant, totally stealing that idea to use with my son! Especially the trade for minutes!!!

  8. Wow Jenae. Thank you for such a candid post. I can’t even imagine. I’m so thankful that my own boys were entering their teenage years before we ever owned a laptop or an iPad. Good for you for making the necessary changes to cut back in your house, and to give your kids back their childhood!

  9. Whenever I read posts like these I am always left with the question… Who is the parent? Who is runing the show? It’s kind of weird to see parents blame technology when 3 years olds are hardly going into Target and buying themselves iPads. Why do 3 year olds have iPads in their little hands? I think parents start off using Ipad etc.. as babysitters and pacifiers and quickly lose control of the situation. 1st graders don’t need technology. With 2 girls in my house we just don’t have this issue. By the way, I work full-time in tech and we have enough tech in my house to serve the entire East coast.

    1. So true! The parents have allowed and caused the addiction in the first place so they can enjoy some quiet time, instead of training their children to play, sit still, be outside, etc. I really feel sorry for the kids and the mixed messages these parents are sending. My husband and I just got texting last year and we got a tablet for checking emails, ebooks, etc this past Christmas but it never even crossed my mind to purchase something like this for a child, yet I see/hear so many parents buying one for each child. I didn’t have a computer until I went off to college while many of my friemds had had one for years and I was fine( probably better off)…… it’s just an unneeded burden to police it, check it, maintain it. You see kids at restaurants, grocery stores, in cars all staring at screens, it is so sad.

  10. We tried to move online games off line. Like do a live angry bird game in the yard, or a race car game with the race car toy. Find the connection between his favorite game and real life, and do some activities requires movements has been working for us.

    1. That’s a great idea. Before my kids knew what minecraft really was they played it at recess. My 6 year old plays Star Wars angry birds with his friends.

  11. Great post. I see loads of parents talking about how they don’t want to limit their kids’ screen time, so their kids can learn to limit it on their own. My kids just don’t do that. I can see how some kids just enjoy video games along with other things, but other children are sucked into the tech world at the expense of everything else. As my kids grow and seasons change we are constantly adjusting our screen time policy. It’s tiring trying to keep up with it!

    1. It’s funny to me that these parents you reference who think they should not limit their kids’ screen time so they can learn to limit it on their own would be unlikely to do the same thing with other things that could have negative consequences. Take food, for example: “Oh, I let Joey gorge himself on cookies until he’s absolutely sick so that he’ll learn to limit himself next time.” Can you imagine? Kids need boundaries, and parents are the ones to set them — in all areas, including technology.

  12. My daughter has extremely limited screen time, but whenever I choose to review an app and she gets to use it, she’s excited but then cranky when I cut her off or when I won’t let her use it. (For that reason I rarely review apps!) Thanks for being so candid in this post. I can totally relate, and I love how you cut off screen time for the week. Very wise!

  13. I think giving kids time to be bored it key! My son comes up with the best ideas just after announcing that he is bored. My son loves technology and would use it often if we let him. Having only certain times on it makes him much less crabby.

  14. Thank you for being so open and honest about your situation! I’ve been worrying about my son’s technology use as well, so I appreciate that you shared the steps you’ve taken.

  15. The Ipad is a WONDERFUL tool for children with special needs. I have two autistic boys and one of them does not speak…at all. The ipad has apps that lets him express his needs and wants. It also has educational apps that he enjoys. So please don’t bash technology too hard, it has it’s good points.

    1. I totally agree! Not bashing it at all…it is a powerful tool that is helpful in many ways and serves a purpose. But for some kids (like my son), “playing” on it can be addicting to the point that it changes behavior. That is the point that it is misused.

      Thanks for your comment! That is awesome that you have found so many great apps to help your son!

  16. There is screen time and then there is screen time. Computers are awesome tools for creation, collaboration, and reflecting. When we lump all the different activities on our electronic devices into one ball we are shortchanging the possibilities.
    I think this article explains it well.

  17. Thank you Janae! What you talked about your son reminds me a lot of some of my nephews. Even with “limited” video game time, the ONLY thing they EVER talked about to me was about their video game (which meant I had no idea what they were talking about) and then when they weren’t playing constantly whined about playing again or snuck in extra time when mom and dad were busy with the other kids/responsibilities. And he would be very emotional, even at an older age. And I never really saw that kid just go play outside.

    I worry about kids like my nephew who have had too much time on the computer/video games where that seems to be their life. You have to know your kids and you have to know when even a little use it just too much. They don’t have adult brains. They can’t filter reality and life as well as we can.

    Congrats on the steps you are making as a family to limit the use of technology in your home. You or your kids should not be addicted to it. I myself need to spend less time online.

    My twins are 4 and they have yet to say they are “bored” mostly because they just find something to do. They watch a movie a day (maybe) and otherwise spend about the same amount of time outdoors or whatever.

    Thanks Janae!

  18. This is a real issue happening to our gorgeous children. Can I expand on a few ideas though- as a tween/teenager, I did the same thing with books. Actually- I can still do it today. I become to obsessed, and drawn into the story line, that when I am forced out of this little world, and back into reality, it can be hard to accept that you have to go clean the dishes again, instead of learning how to become an awesome ninja.
    What I am learning with everything- absolutely everything (food, technology, books etc) is that MODERATION is the key. Books are fabulous- but highly anti-social too! I was always getting in trouble for reading too much!

    So with a moderate dose of the iPad, a moderate dose of being bored, and a moderate dose of responsibility for their little shoulders- our little adults-in-the-making can still be well rounded. :)

    1. That’s a good point. I would have a book in my hand constantly as a child – I would even wash my hair with one hand, and a book in the other! And I know you can be obsessed over books unhealthily. Computery things are maybe a bit more hypnotic, though, which could make them worse?

  19. Oh my goodness! I have noticed the biggest changes in my son’s personality since he turned 7. It was then that he was given a DSI and shortly after a tablet. He loved to read, draw and dance, but most of all talk. It took me a few months to realize that my son had lost his “zest” for communication. I quickly decided that something had to change. He gets to play his games on an every other day basis. Every Thursday, we now have family night. On that evening we interact with each other in the form of board games, charades and outside play, etc. Hopefully more parants will jump on board with us because, as of now, I am considered the controlling/ strict parent.

  20. We have strict rules for tech use as well. No screens from 9 to 5. I never attempt to entertain my kids. They are currently being “bored” with a bunch bubble wands and a bucket of bubble soap…outside, unchaperoned. Lots of laughter and chattering can be heard :) I saw a huge change in the kids behavior as well towards each other and towards me. Since scheduling the tech down time…I’m not the enemy the clock it, lol. They have also learned to co-play and be more observant of the younger ones for safety and appropriate behavior, not tattling, but encouraging the right ways. The results were so good that recently my husband who LOVES tv watching banned all TV unless a parent approved the time and show. I think their behavior mimicking tv programs was highlighted after they were no longer stuck with their noses to the screen. I’m thrilled. I love the results just wish I had reigned in years ago.

  21. Excellent, Excellent, Excellent! I wish more parents would hop on board the train of understanding how technology is influencing our children’s lives. There are so many good things, but so many bad things too. We’ve noticed the same things in our children. I figure it’s better to have them go through withdrawal when they are little, instead of later. My favorite line is “It’s easier to lighten up, rather than tighten up.” My kids are thrilled when I allow tech time, because it’s a treat!

  22. My daughter is sure to point out that I am the ONLY mom with the “no technology during the school week” rule. Glad to know I’m not alone. :) Now it’s summer vacation and I think I’ll enact the 9-5 rule.

  23. Thanks so much for posting! Couldn’t have said it better. So happy to see other parents who see a problem and seek Godly wisdom to fix it. I’ve been debating on whether to get a tablet or not, but I keep telling myself, “do I really want to go there?”
    I have 3 children under the age of 4 and would rather they play outside and come in dirty from rolling in the dirt than all clean from sitting on the couch playing with technology.

  24. Love this! I agree completely that we have to learn to separate ourselves from our technology in order to set the example. The problem generally lies with us first anyway.

    I was that kid in high school/jr. high that lived on tv and video games and would not be social. Although in my defense, I was afraid of what my friends were doing outside of school that I did not want to be sucked into. Small towns are notorious for parties and alcohol.

    However, now that we have children I definitely notice the same things you pointed out. Our son was the worst offender and had issues not only with his attitude, but he became mean and rude.

    We did the same thing you did… no games, etc. on the week days and only on the weekends and only within an allotted time. The result, my kids play better together, spend more time with each other and read lots more books. Win! It’s not perfect, but is sooo much better than before.

    1. what time allotment do you give your kids and how long on the weekends? Do you let them watch any tv during the week & if so how long? Regards Shirley

  25. great post. The first sentence grabbed me. You are absolutely right, and if you read the book “Boys Adrift” by Dr. Sax he explains the neurology behind the addiction. We don’t allow video games in our home and it’s really not a big deal. Sure, I get that technology can be beneficial (my degree was in I.T.) but my kids are kids. I want them playing outside and learning to be creative. Last summer we unplugged the TV. They adapt so quickly to any changes. I just want to encourage anyone reading that if God is nudging you to cut back on technology, just do it. The kids will quickly get over it (like one week of whining) and be more peaceful, creative, and your home will be much more joyful. JUST DO IT! :) Unplug and enjoy the peace again! :)

  26. I was so glad to read this article. We have 2 girls and we are definitely a tech household. But last year before our youngest started JK we noticed something with her behavior. We’ve always had issues with her behavior, but we noticed that when we limited screen time she actually listened to us. So, on a mission to help our daughter focus and listen at school, last September we made a new rule of no screen time during the week on school days. It has totally changed our lives!!! Does Charlotte still wake every morning to ask if its a school day – yes. Does she moan when I say yes – yes! Does she whine cause she wants to watch tv – yes! (this happens every morning pretty much) BUT… when we tell her she has to wait a couple of more days, she complains, but then goes about her day and forgets about it. Her behavior is SO much better and we have seen tremendous improvements with focus and her relationships with other children. I am all for screen time… but everything in moderation. People look at me funny when I tell them our kids aren’t allowed tv, but then usually follow by a “good for you” “wish I could do that” or “what do you do when you are making dinner to keep the girls happy?” … I answer that we do have to deal with more bickering between girls, but in the end they sort it all out and we make them do chores and help with dinner, when they are finished they are kicked outside to play with kids or make make believe tardis forts in the yard. We are much happier since we made the transition.

  27. This was exactly what I needed to read!
    My 13 (soon 14) year old son has been spending less time with his friends and more time on the iPad and iPod. Today I confiscated both until Friday night, and have also included NOT allowing him access to the computer during the week.
    Tonight he was actually reading a magazine! I almost keeled over in shock!
    I felt bad for taking his things but like you say in this article, I could see them stealing his life and am now putting my foot down and making sure he doesn’t forget to have a REAL childhood!

  28. Great article. Yeah, I think it’s not even up for debate how 24-hour/day technology has alienated children from the world. Just go to the grocery store, restaurant or any public place and you’ll see the proverbial child on their handheld device as so the parent doesn’t need to be involved in character training (or talking, for that matter).

    Interestingly though, a FB friend recently wrote this: “Is it normal for a 4 year old that hasn’t started school yet to know how to add small numbers using her fingers or just from memory? I find it odd….I am probably wrong…lol. The child scares me at the things she knows without us teaching her sometimes…I didn’t teach her how to write letters, but she does. And now she rattles off math equations…scary, y’all…seriously! I think people against iPads and tablets for kids are wrong…those apps have taught her a lot of stuff!”

    In other words: “I have NOT been a part of my child’s life, but the iPad is her new teacher.” This is also the person who seriously complains about the behavior of this “genius” child everyday.

    Look, I’m not against technology either, but I think you can find a lot more wrong with constant technology than with none of it. I like your final assessment that “everything in moderation”. BUT…this is a brave, new world, so we must understand that we don’t understand how it effects us yet, and we must use extreme caution. If we don’t, it might be too late.

  29. Just take it away, that simple. Children learn from adults. So if they see you doing it they will. It’s not like they picked up the device, and it showed them. The real root of the so called probably is the parent. Don’t anyone think that sitting on Facebook all day long isn’t noticed? When all they see is you doing that, then they think that is what needs to be done. So the real problem is ignorance on parents part. Isn’t there anyone who didn’t learn any lessons by taking something?

  30. I agree with this article. Young children need to develop their”creative” side before they begin the tech overload. As a preschool teacher we do not have ‘technology ” in our school. We think the children should be painting,drawing, color,playing and interacting with others . Don’t know if you have ever read the comments from Steve Jobs about his children and technology. Might be interesting to check out.

  31. agree, technology is not needed for kids. They need to learn how to play, interact and learn without technology first. It’s up to the parents to limit and monitor tech use, or better yet no tech use until kids are older! Check out for more info on this subject!

  32. My son is addicted to his tablet. He won’t go bed or get up for school. He’s actually on probation now. But he already missed & was late everyday since this happened. It’s so bad he is tearing our family apart. Its to the point if he wont get up for school I was told that I have to call the police on him. Talk about tough love. He’s tearing my mom’s house apart, & is physical with me.

    1. Hello, I’m a producer with ABC News and in hopes of generating awareness of the effects of digital addiction in children, teens, and young adults, we are partnering with treatment professionals willing to work with families who might be battling this addiction. We would love to speak with you about what you are going through with your son please email me at [email protected] I look forward to speaking with you – Best, Denise

  33. This is so true Jeane for my little munchkin!!!! He is just two and a half and already addicted to this device and so much hate myself for this. Cause i believe i am to be blamed for this.

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